For some reason, I always get dominated when I'm on Amtrak and yesterday was no exception. Maybe it's bad luck; maybe I'm too nice; or, maybe God hates me. If you're new to these parts, five years ago I was abused on a ride home from DC.
Dirty feet all up in my space, hot dog perfume wafting in the air, garbage everywhere. I thought it could never get worse…until yesterday. I endured a 7-hour train ride on Amtrak that would've driven Frank the Tank to an early grave. SEVEN HOURS. Some of you are scoffing, "What's the big deal Cons trains are comfortable." Sure, that might be true but when you mentally prepare for a 2-hour ride and you tack on an extra 5 you feel like Andy Dufresne.
While I was trapped on my journey up the east coast, I endured multiple hardships that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It made me realize we need to impose some rules on society.
A. No dogs on trains. Listen, I love dogs as much as the next guy but people move frequently up and down the aisles on long train rides and that can make some dogs act up. We had a dog 3 rows ahead of me that barked non-stop the entire ride. It was almost impressive if not for the fact that it was excruciatingly annoying.
2. No talking on the phone on trains. You would think this is Day 1 stuff but people don't care. The gentleman sitting next to me and the woman in front of me spoke for a combined 3 hours of the trip. I assure you I do not care about your work or your weekend brunch plans with the gals. It's just rude.
D. Don't travel with infants. This goes for trains and planes. Unless your kid can occupy themselves quietly and is old enough to talk, leave them at home. No one wants to listen to the crying baby and you don't need to bring the baby. They aren't contributing. The baby in our car cried nearly as long as the dog barked. I couldn't figure out if the baby was crying because the dog was barking or vice versa but either way I think this could be a form of torture the CIA implements. (or do we not::wink:: torture anymore?).
Yesterday made me want to pull my hair out which is tough because I don't have any. chris farley tommy boy hair gif
P.S. At one point I looked over and the phone guy next to me had his banking info up on his laptop. Now, this didn't bother me to see he had a massive credit card bill (who among us amiright) but isn't that something you'd rather keep to yourself?