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These Parents Who Bought Their Newborn Son A $2.8 Million Yacht And $34,000 Wardrobe Collection Are Gigantic Assholes

Ross Land. Getty Images.

[Source] - A wardrobe full of designer labels and a yacht docked in Miami: You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s the life of a rich, middle-aged high-flyer — but it actually belongs to a newborn baby boy.

Barrie Drewitt-Barlow, 52, and his fiancé Scott Hutchinson, 27, welcomed their son Romeo Tarquin on Aug. 12 via surrogate. A barrage of gifts with eye-watering costs have followed ever since.

Drewitt-Barlow said they’ve “literally bought every designer that you can imagine” for little Romeo already.

Drewitt-Barlow, who has appeared on “Below Deck,” and his ex-husband Tony Drewitt-Barlow, 56, have a combined fortune of $204 million, which they continue to share even after the split.

I don't know how else to write that headline. They are asshole parents. I say this as a parent. Now I'm not Below Deck $204 million rich, but I'm blogger money rich. (I'm not rich). I can speak on behalf of parents everywhere. The son they bought a goddamn yacht and $34,000 wardrobe collection for is 3 days older than my 2nd son. You know what I haven't done? Bought that kid much. Why? Because they shit and piss in their diaper and clothes. Sometimes it leaks out. You want to worry about that yellow shit in an expensive onesie? No thank you. 

And let me tell you something about kids birthdays. I quite literally celebrated my oldest son's 3rd birthday this week. First off, don't spend $8,000 on a 1st birthday (Jerry, please). 

Keep it simple. 1st birthday is family + your friends who you want to have a couple drinks with. Do it at your house, simple food, cake for your kid to go crazy on. That's it. Move it up a little each year. The reason I say this? Because I had the peak awesome dad moment - in the eyes of a son - on Tuesday. I took my kid out for his birthday. Some mini golf, bowling, arcade games, the works. Hit the jackpot on not one, but two different arcade games. Going to the prize collection area with 1,400 tickets? I'll never be cooler in his eyes. Walked away with a giant ball, a bouncy ball, a football, stuffed animal and a slinky. That's called success. That's why he doesn't need a goddamn yacht. 

Moral of the story: Kids birthdays are overrated. You can have fun with them but they don't really understand shit, especially right away. Buy the simple stuff. A boat for a tub and some standard onesies. That's it. Asshole parents.