Saquon Barkley's Legs And Brian Daboll's GIGANTIC Balls Carry The Giants To Over .500 For The First Time Since The 2016 Season. Yes That Is A Real Stat

We are exactly one game into the 2022 season and I can already tell I'm not ready for this shit. Watching the Giants offensive guards getting thrown around like rag dolls by Jeffery Simmons, holding my breath every time the secondary has to guard receivers for more than 2 seconds, wondering where the fuck Yung Joka was for 95% of the game took years off my already shortened life, and soul crushing injuries to the Giants shiny new toy.

Luckily Saquon Barkley carried this offense like he can when he's not dealing with all the shit that comes with a ACL, high ankle sprain, or whatever other injuries he has piled up over the years.

Now THAT'S a running back you spend the 2nd overall pick on!

:ducks:

Saquon tried to tell you guys he was going into Kill Mode this year.

Not only that, but the Giants finally have a coach with guts, nuts, and any other word that ends in "uts" that will go for 2 at the end of the game instead of going for a tie.

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Not enough people are talking about how great of a shovel pass that was by Daniel Jones on that 2 point conversion! They don't call him Danny Dimes for nothing. I mean look how DJ effortlessly slides this pass in between his receiver and the defender.

Okay, bad example there too. Nonetheless, Daniel Jones got his ass kicked all day, kept coming back for more, and led his team for the game-winning drive after Brian Daboll chewed his ass out for throwing a pick in the endzone after locking on his running back that we all have done a million times in Madden.

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Of course I need to give a hell of a hat tip to Big Bone Bullock for shanking that 47-yarder.

However I have watched the Giants lose enough games on 50+ yarders to shed a tear for the Titans, who were the number 1 seed in the AFC last season for the record. Also shout out to Wink and the defense for holding Tennessee to 7 points in the 2nd half despite having a legitimate titan in the backfield. I swear Derrick Henry kept growing bigger as the game went along.

Anyway, he bottom line is the Giants are FINALLY above .500 for the first time since that cursed boat picture was taken and everyone is happy.

We got memes!

We got dancing!

We got victory speeches!

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We got Michael Strahan actually getting to be happy at work!

We got absolutely absurd stats!

Let's keep it rolling next week against that Danny Dimes slandering scoundrel Baker Mayfield and the Panthers!