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BREAKING: Definitely Not Retired WR Larry Fitzgerald Announced He Will Join ESPN's Monday Night Countdown

Blogger's Note: This broke an hour ago but I had stuff to do before getting it up, so I am publishing it now while keeping BREAKING in the headline since ESPN pulls that shit all the time

Blogger's Note 2: Haha, I said "getting it up"

I was about to get really upset that I had to break the news to Papa Clem that his favorite player was calling it a career to join ESPN as a broadcaster. But as far as I can tell, Larry Fitzgerald still hasn't retired from the NFL. He will just be traveling to wherever Monday Night Countdown is any given Monday, even if he is still icing up from the dozens of human car accidents he gets into 24 hours earlier. Or maybe, just maybe if the scheduling gods shine down upon Larry Fitz, he can preview the game he is about to compete in for ESPN then play said game after he trades in his suit and tie for pads and a jersey.

To clarify, I am not hating on Larry Fitzgerald for living the dream of being an NFL player for as long as possible. Far from it. Larry not retiring makes me feel young less old simply because it means there will forever be a kinda active player from the 2004 NFL Draft, which took place during my senior year of college and was a WILD ride when you look back at it.

via Wiki

So congrats to Larry Fitz for cashing in on some of that funny money going around in the NFL broadcasting world and finishing the first part of his playing career with one of the most absurd stats ever.

Also best of luck to Larry's kinda former teammate Andy Lee for being last member of that draft to actually be suiting up to play football every Sunday….

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At least until Larry Fitz makes his comeback for the playoffs, which I hope he announces before the last Monday Night Football game of the season. Did I just write a fucking magic movie moment? You're goddamn right I did.