Goodbye, Surviving Barstool SZN 2.

My hands are sweating during the Surviving Barstool finale and I can't help but notice it. Sweat is collecting at the top of my forehead, as Clancy goes to collect to votes. Will what I said to Kim and Grace be enough to get Eddie the 3 votes needed to win? Will they relate with my reasoning for him to win? The girls love Jackie although getting backstabbed by her. Not really sure, probably some Stockholm syndrome shit. For some reason I felt obligated to help Eddie win. Maybe it's because of the way I mishandled Episode 1, maybe it's because of the way he played the game, maybe it's because of the way that I basically got hired by Barstool by him booking me to come on The Dave Portnoy show. For some reason, I don't just want him to win, I need him to win. and badly. Maybe it's because he's an underdog like me. He's someone who has worked his ass off to be in this opportunity. and it shows. He's the guy that gets overlooked, although he's overworked. He deserved to win, just as badly I did. and I would fight through whatever battle I needed to make sure that he would win. I look back on the week, getting lost in the absolute craziness of it all. Every challenge, every moment in the game replaying in my mind, over and over. I hold regrets by the way Episode 1, I felt backstabbed and my heart felt crushed. I didn't know who to feel, I didn't know how to process it all. "The votes are in." Clancy remarks, pulling me out of my trance. I choked up as he read the results in front of me. "Jackie." "Eddie." "Jackie." "Eddie." 2 votes for Jackie, 2 votes for Eddie. At this point, Grace's vote would determine everything. and I had absolutely no idea how she was going to vote. I shifted around nervously, so anxious by the name Clancy would read next. I looked around on set, all the cast and all the crew. I realized that I was living the exact dream that I had dreamt of as a child. I was doing exactly what God had put in my heart. All those long nights bartending, all those times I cried in bed because I thought my opportunity was over. All those times I fought with my mother about my future. All those times I spent doubting myself. All those times I thought it was over for me. For me to be the first black woman to star in a Barstool reality TV show, for me to be right here. I felt like I had finally found my place in life. I felt like I had finally found my tribe, as much as they didn't look like, we shared similar goals and aspirations. We're all fighting to be somebody. We're all fighting to make my name of ourselves. We're all fighting to find our place in life. We might look different physically but we all are the same on the inside. "EDDIE!" Clancy reads out and my heart almost bursts from the excitement. My eyes water up and immediately jump up! There's hugs and smiles all on set. Jackie and Rudy both played a great game but Eddie 100% deserved it. He fought and crawled his way out of the bottom, much similar to his real life. He completely changed the game by that wire-tap of the girls conversations, and getting me out of the game. He got the Robot out. He stayed true to himself. Eddie smiles so big as we all embrace him. It's finally over. The mind games. The paranoia. The back-stabbing. We can all put it all behind us. Well, until next year that is.