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Look at the Size of this Lad. Absolute Unit wins Best Big Fella on The Bracket

This real life person is named David Morgan-Hewitt. If you listened to The Bracket this week, you might know him as The Queen's Unit, or the Big British Bloke. He was the champion of The Bracket this week. The topic was "Best Big Fella" He had couple of close matches, barely edging out Chris Farley in the Conference Finals, but deep down it was never even a contest. The large British unit is a deserved champion.

Watch the full episode on YouTube. Be sure to like and subscribe. As an unbiased person trying to win points with people in the office by promoting their shows, I can honestly say it was hilarious.

I was pretty blown away by this man myself. He went viral years ago, but I forgot just how special he was. I know on the show they said they don't want to know any more about him, but I did some research and I think he lives up to the hype. 

His full name is David Morgan-Hewitt but he has 2 nicknames: Big Dave and Camp David. I presume they call him Camp David because he is the size of a camp. 

A common misconception is that his head only looks small because his body is the size of a Fiat. That also isn't true. He has both a tiny head and an enormous body.

Another common misconception is that he is some sort of body guard/fluffer for the Queen. That's not true either. He is the General Manager of The Goring Hotel, a 5-star hotel in London. The Goring is a hotel frequented by the Royal Family. It is only a 9 minute walk from Buckingham Palace, so you'd think they wouldn't need to stay there, but Dave is so large that the Royals are drawn there by his orbit. 

Dave fucking loves hospitality. It courses through his veins. He says when he was 14 years old, he watched a TV show about a hotel, and immediately knew that's what he wanted to do with his life. His father made him go to British University to study law, but he was so electrified by the hotel industry that he got a job at one near campus and spent all of his free time working there. 

"I am never happier than when I'm in the lobby of a hotel" - David Morgan-Hewitt

When he has a high profile guest like The Queen, David takes it upon himself to make sure the vibes are right. He is obsessed with making sure his presence adds to her hotel experience. He doesn't want to be overbearing, but he also wants her to know that he is there to drop everything he's doing and help at a moments notice. When the time is right, he will "surprise the restaurant staff with a rousing falsetto", as if he were a Disney character

I fully planned on making up everything in this blog, but after I read about him I thought should report the truth. 

If I was going to make something up, I would have told a long-winded story about the time he was caught stealing a pie off of The Queen's window sill. I would say he is one of the most skilled cocksmen in London. He was an early investor in OnlyFans, and championed its pivot to pornography content. His favorite meal is handfuls of crisco. His favorite drink is butterscotch syrup. Sometimes the Royal Family projects movies onto his belly. As a child, his mother would paint a stripe down the middle of him so she could tell if he was walking or rolling. He is an avid horseback rider, but is so large that he needs to use 2 horses. He plays goalie in a men's indoor soccer league. He's at the tail-end of a 40 year bulking phase, and plans to turn all his fat into muscle by next summer. He is extremely active on 4chan. He has a TikTok account dedicated to Pizzagate theories. He was a pie graph for Halloween last year. He strictly uses rotary telephones. He can't fit in a shower, so every morning an intern at The Goring hoses him down in the basement. His favorite music genre is drill. Things of that nature.