As I type this it is the first time in nearly 3 weeks that I've had some peace and quiet. Despite being on maternity leave I thought I'd try and put all my feelings and emotions into words into a blog this morning. Yes I know this is Barstool SPORTS, but I thought a life update wouldn't hurt. So,,, hello, I know it's been a minute... I've been incredibly quiet here and on social the last few months as I was preparing to welcome a child into the world. Baby girl is finally here and let me tell you, being a mom rules.
The journey to get here though? Less than stellar. Growing a human inside your body for 10 months? (YES, 10 months!) Incredible and challenging all at once. For 8 out of those 10 months I was feeling great with the normal side effects, however the last two months felt like two years... it didn't help baby didn't arrive until a week after her due date. I'll spare you the gross details but man, it was hard. You feel like you can't breathe, you can barely move, sleeping is impossible, anxiety galore because your entire life is about to change any second, you're incredibly emotional. It was a whirlwind.
My biggest craving? Shrimp cocktail. Especially from Costco. Why do they have such good shrimp cocktail? (Don't knock it 'till you try it).
When it came time to actually give birth, I felt beyond ready. I was so fucking tired of being pregnant it wasn't even funny. Popping a kid out of my vagina was the easiest part, quick shout out to modern medicine and whoever invented the epidural, thing was incredible. Did not enjoy whatsoever the pain that followed when it wore off... I was incredibly naive how challenging it was about to be post-birth. I was discharged 2 days later and sent off in the world with my kid, they give you a million instructions and just say good luck. I ended up getting hospitalized twice due to complications in the same week. I couldn't hold my daughter because there was still so many fluids in my body pushing against my lungs that I felt like I couldn't breathe. My feet ballooned. I couldn't walk because I was so sore and swollen from her tearing my vagina up. Don't even get me started about the process of just using the bathroom. I felt hopeless for the first week and a half of her life. I didn't feel like a mom. No one tells you how hard postpartum is, or the "4th trimester". You're supposed to feel this overwhelming joy right away and I didn't because I was still struggling myself.
It took me 2 weeks to feel somewhat like a normal human being. And now that I am more present and functional, being a mom fucking rules. All of that pain (and suffering) from the pregnancy and postpartum doesn't matter, it really is like amnesia. I love this little girl more than anything in the world. I would do everything over again if I had to. All it takes is one little smile and it doesn't matter if she had you up all night fussing. Your life really does change the second that little one pops out. I never thought I'd be a Mom, and now that I am I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I know you're supposed to "mourn" the life that you lived previously, but it feels like this was what I was born to do. As scary, challenging and difficult as raising a tiny human can be, I know me and my husband are ready. So I'm going to take some time and enjoy this little one, thank you to everyone who has reached out, I have had an incredible support system these last few weeks. While it is beyond weird to be semi-detached from the Barstool world after 5 years of nonstop being in it, I'm looking forward to the rest of my maternity leave.
So call your Mom, thank her for everything. Life is an incredible thing.
Talk to you in October for hockey season. Go B's.
ps maybe I will pitch Kate (and now Kayce!!!) a new Barstool MILFs podcast, until then go subscribe and listen to the Podfathers.