"I'd Like To Have A Normal Offseason At Some Point!" - Joe Burrow To The Football Gods After Rupturing His Appendix
Kevin C. Cox. Getty Images.
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Yeah I mean for fuck's sake, powers that be among the gridiron gods, is that so much for the Unproblematic Tiger King to ask for?
Before I get deeper into what happened yesterday in Joe Burrow's first meeting with the media in over two months, I want to quickly remind you of all the shit he's been through. To start: He didn't run from any competition at Ohio State, sticking it out for three years, enduring lord knows how much abuse at the hands of Ultimate Asshole Urban Meyer. Then, when Burrow was finally in a spot to compete for a starting job, he proceeded to break his throwing hand in the middle of said competition.
That led to a transfer to LSU, a program that could not get the quarterback position right to save their lives for YEARS. After one season of acclimation and knocking the rust off from being put on ice in Columbus, Ohio, Burrow proceeded to have the greatest college football season of all-time in leading the Tigers to a natty. There he went. Heisman winner. Champ. No. 1 overall pick. Cincinnati Bengals savior. Hometown hero to be.
Well…until, you know. Not only did COVID-19 turn the world upside down, but to confine this narrative specifically to football, Burrow got pulverized behind the Bengals' o-line as a rookie, eventually shredding multiple knee ligaments. Ever resilient, Joey B. was STILL ready for Week 1 last year. Behind a still-awful o-line. All he did was lead Cincinnati to an AFC championship. No big deal.
This offseason was supposed to be normal. Finally. Burrow was running as well as he ever had, increasing his velocity even more as a thrower and packed on some extra muscle to absorb hits — even as the Bengals (at long last) addressed the offensive trenches in free agency. Haha. Cool. Hey Joe Burrow, you're uniquely equipped to endure football-related hardship. What's one MORE shitty break? It's seriously gotten to the point where Joe Cool is way-too-casually confirming to reporters that his appendix ruptured.
So you know, reader, when you first Google "appendix rupture", these words pop up (courtesy of the Mayo Clinic):
"A rupture spreads infection throughout your abdomen (peritonitis). Possibly life-threatening, this condition requires immediate surgery to remove the appendix and clean your abdominal cavity. A pocket of pus that forms in the abdomen. If your appendix bursts, you may develop a pocket of infection (abscess)."
I don't know the precise nature of Burrow's own appendix situation. The fact that it ruptured is nothing to write off as minor whatsoever. Sometimes folks who have the misfortune of dealing with appendicitis are able to get their appendix removed before it bursts. Not in Burrow's case.
I mean DAMN!!! Now guess what? Joe is basically force-feeding himself to try to get back to a proper playing weight mere weeks before the regular season starts.
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Burrow refused to provide numbers in terms of where he is percentage-wise in relation to his strength from before the appendectomy, and how much weight he's actually lost during his recovery. I simply feel bad for the guy. Has he not been through enough?
Adversity pops up in various forms in life. But I struggle to recall a football player this fucking good with even close to the bizarro odyssey Joe Burrow has embarked on through college and the start of his pro career. It's all helped shape him into the elite QB he is now. All I'm requesting, once more, football gods, is that you cut this man a break. What did he do to deserve this!?!?
Better for this to happen now than during the season. Still, I just don't get it. I feel insulted on Joey B's behalf at this point. He lets everything roll off and all is well. I'm grateful he's gonna be OK. I'm bothered is all. Leave him alone!!!
As if Joe needed any more of a chip on his shoulder. It's pretty obvious there are supernatural and metaphysical forces at play working against Burrow, trying to prevent him from delivering Ohio its first Lombardi Trophy. See if that stops him. I'll bet it won't based on his track record of overcoming setbacks.
FWIW, he looked pretty friggin' great yesterday all things considered:
Twitter @MattFitz_gerald — hit me with a birthday follow and ride with me on Joey B for MVP (+1300) on Barstool Sportsbook!
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Full presser here: