My Hand Claw Arrived And It Is DANGEROUS

So if you remember a few weeks ago when I was depressed about Football ending and I ordered a Hand Claw. Well it finally arrived, and it is DANGEROUS. I put it on and within 2 minutes and almost killed myself and my dog. Bad news. I don’t know if its my small hands or if its the fact that my dad never taught me how to properly maneuver a Hand Claw but I am at a moments notice of killing a lot of things when I put my claw on. The blades are sharper and longer than I thought. Not to mention it didnt come with a manual or anything. Like I’m not saying I’m one of those nerds that goes through every page of the Ikea instructions but when I get a Hand Claw I wouldn’t mind a couple pictures to show me how to not to stab myself to death. I don’t think that’s a totally unreasonable request.

Anyway. Now that I have this thing I don’t really know what to do with it. Wasn’t a lot of foresight in this purchase. Just saw a Hand Claw and bought it, didn’t really think about what Hand Claw ownership actually entails. So what do you guys think? Make a video? Cut some things up? Try to masturbate with it? I can literally do anything. I’m basically Wolverine only if Wolverine was an overweight blogger.

Maybe I’ll just walk up and down the street, really send out my Hand Claw Vibe. People will see me and say, “there goes Big Cat, the guy who refuses to take off his Hand Claw, what a badass”. Not a bad reputation to have if you ask me.

PS
Putting Will Smith on notice. There’s new Sheriff in town. Sheriff Watchdog, Hand Claw. WOOF