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New Baseball Curse: Every Player That Dairy Queen Has Sponsored This Season Has Had Something Awful Happen To Them

Move over Madden Curse, step aside Sports Illustrated Cover Curse, there is a new sheriff in town. Dairy Queen named 4 MLB players as spokesmen for their company this baseball season —Bryce Harper, Tim Anderson, Cody Bellinger, and Fernando Tatis Jr. Not a bad crop of guys right? Some MVPs, arguably the face of the league in 2021, a damn good shortstop, what could go wrong? Well now that you mentioned it, everything could go wrong. Let's check out the DQ roster and what the hell went wrong with each of them.

Bryce Harper was on his way to another MVP like season when he got hit on the thumb and broke it back in June. Surgery, pins in his thumb, the whole 9 yards. He's also been dealing with a torn UCL in his right elbow all season so it's safe to say he's had a bumpy ride this year. Couldn't even hold a DQ Blizzard with that broken thumb! He's been out since June 26th, but luckily for him the Phils have been on fire. Are they better without Bryce? Discuss. 

Tim Anderson was another guy who got the honor of being a DQ guy, but man has he had a weird year. He had that brush up with Josh Donaldson about the Jackie Robinson quote along with a ton of off the field stuff with his wife go public. Not great! Then he hurts his finger last week and had to get surgery which will sideline him for 4-6 weeks to let the tendons heal. Tough blow for TA in what has already been a rough season. 

Where to begin on Cody Bellinger. He's been bad for a while now so maybe it wasn't just the DQ curse. Last year he was AWFUL, hitting .165, with a .240 OBP, and a .302 slugging. GROSS. This year his numbers are slightly up, but still nowhere remotely close to his MVP season. Luckily for him the DQ curse hasn't caused anything bad to happen to his life aside from his baseball performance still being mediocre. I guess that's a positive? 

And of course Fernando Tatis Jr. rounds out the group of 4. Where to begin with him? The motorcycle accident he lied about in the offseason that caused him to get wrist surgery and miss over half the season or the performance-enhancing drug suspension for 80 games? If it isn't one thing with him it's another. He's had the worst year out of all of them and he hasn't even played in a MLB game. 

Dairy Queen really knows how to pick em, I will say that. They have some unreal chicken tenders, fantastic ice cream, but they also curse their spokesmen. Tough sledding for DQ. You make a few bad shakes here and there that's one thing. Come up whiffing on a new menu item? People will forgive you. You start cursing the big named athletes you pay tons of money to rep the brand? That's how you go out of business.