Science Has Proven That Backing Into Parking Spots Makes You A Cooler Person And Way Better Than Everybody Else

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Scientists have just concluded a 1-person study about the impacts of backing into parking spots. I am that one person. And after transitioning into a back-in parking guy over the past few months, I feel like the bee's knees. I feel like the cat's pajamas. I have come to the conclusion that backing into parking spots makes you cool as heck and better than anybody else in the parking lot who just simply pull in. 

You see someone who backed into a parking spot and that park job tells a story. It paints the picture of a man who has traversed the world, who has lived a thousand lifetimes, who has some dirt on their hands and sand in their boots. You look at that park job and you instinctively know it to be true. That dude fucks. 


Anybody can pull into a parking lot and see any old spot they can pull forwards into. But it takes a true artist to be able to feel the parking lot and let it guide you directly to which spots are best for backing into. You become one with the parking lot in that moment. Almost hyper aware of its presence. In that moment the parking lot isn't this slab of blacktop strewn with painted lines. It's a living, breathing thing. It wants you to back into a spot. It NEEDS you to back into a spot. And it takes a special person to heed that call. 

Also, it's just way easier to leave whenever that time comes for you to just pull out. You don't have to worry as much if some asshole parked too close to you on one side. You don't have to double check your rearview mirror to make sure nobody is coming. You just pull right out. It's quick, it's easy, it's smooth. Pulling out is the way to go. Just ask your mom. 

Sidenote: Pulling forward into a double spot so that it looks like you back into a spot is stolen valor. Low character move.