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Swift And Severe Punishment: Soccer Player Gets Hit With A 1-Game Suspension ... Except He, Uh, Retired Over A Year Ago

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[Source] - Former Real Madrid star Fabio Coentrao has been slapped with a one-game ban 12 months after retiring from football.

The retired defender has been punished by the Portuguese Football Federation after an investigation into an incident in the match between Boavista and Rio Ave on April 10 2021. Coentrao scored a stoppage time equaliser in the feisty affair, which saw a player from each side and one member of Boavista's coaching staff sent off.

Following the investigation, Coentrao has been handed a one-match ban despite retiring last summer, as well as a fine of €850 for "injuries and reputational offences" according to A Bola.

That'll show him! Nothing like a solid 450+ day investigation only to suspend a retired player one single match. I think the NCAA is even jealous of this. Granted, they are on roughly day 1,500 on that 'massive investigation'. Remember that? When the FBI had the playbook and all these schools were going to pay? Yeah, Kansas just won a national title. Really making them pay! 

That's how I feel with this. 

Dude is just hanging out fishing. He's probably going to laugh whenever he catches wind that he's suspended one match. I hope he signs a one-game contract only to be suspended for it. Have some fun with it. Sign that deal and then sit in a box for the game. It's not like any of it matters. It's a suspension that will never happen. 

I'd eat this story up if I was the guy suspended. Just flirt with it every year. A little will he/won't he type thing that we see in every shitty network comedy. I'm going to start suspending and fining people that are no longer around. This is a world with rules, damnit.