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Stealing Brisket From A BBQ Joint Is The Most Gutless Crime Any Coward Could Ever Commit

Austin -- An unknown suspect reportedly stole "thousands of dollars worth of briskets" from an Austin favorite, la Barbecue, early Thursday morning.

According to the restaurant, the unknown suspect allegedly broke into the restaurant on East Cesar Chavez Street in East Austin shortly after 4 a.m. The restaurant said he jumped over the side fence, cut off barbecue pit locks and loaded more than twenty whole briskets into an SUV before driving off.

If you go out and steal money from a bank, that was never really their money to begin with. If you go and steal diamonds from a jewelry store, it's not like they went out to dig for those diamonds in the first place. Even stealing candy from a baby isn't as bad as this because who really cares about that baby anyway. 

But to go out and steal brisket from a BBQ joint? Brisket that they trimmed. Brisket that they seasoned. Brisket that they fired up the smoker for and have been carefully cooking that delicious slab of meat for the past 12 hours? To take that away from some good, honest, hard working people just trying to bring joy into people's lives one succulent bite of juicy, fatty brisket at a time? You have to be the biggest piece of shit on the planet. You have to be the most gutless coward on this Earth. You bring shame to yourself, your family, and anybody who has ever associated with you. 

Beef prices are through the roof these days. I get it. I know you need to take out a high interest loan just to purchase a few pounds of beef in this economy. But you can't take out your frustration on a BBQ joint like La Barbecue. They're not the ones who are jacking up the prices. They're not the ones who are profiting from this. This isn't some Robin Hood crime where you're stealing from the rich. This is just a coward robbing the people of Austin of enjoying an incredible platter full of meat from a place that knows how to do it just as good as anyone else around. 

So here's to hoping that law enforcement does their job here, apprehends this criminal, and they throw the book at him. Someone who would commit such a heinous crime doesn't deserve to be a member of society anytime soon. Lock them up for life. We'll be better off without scum like that around. 

Sidenote: If anyone is planning a trip to Austin anytime soon, maybe pop on over to La Barbecue to help make up for some of their losses.