See this is the type of juju fans need to realize. You have a big name coming to training camp and talking about how the toilet paper isn't great in the dorm, you take care of it for Von Miller. You send him so much toilet paper he has to donate it. That's how you unite a team trying to make a Super Bowl. You can't have Von Miller out there with a scratchy ass and wondering if he had a clean pinch and wipe. Nope. Let him decide what TP he wants, if he goes wipes or regular or whatever. It's not advanced analytics but he can figure out what makes him play better.
Von Miller isn't wrong either. Think back to when you were 18 and heading to college for the first time. Assuming you went to college in the 2000s and before every dorm now looks like a damn nice hotel, you can picture it. Old ass building with regular box rooms and two beds. Communal bathroom with, you guessed it, shitty toilet paper. They weren't going to splurge for some asshole freshmen.
I do have to laugh at the image of Von Miller just constantly opening toilet paper. Just a bunch of boxes, he knows what it is. I bet the rest of his teammates are thrilled too. I'd be making sure all my linemen are taking care of. You know they destroy a toilet or two.
I've just added a win to the Bill total strictly because of this move. Juju pays off.