Alex Bennett and Coach Duggs Make Their Fighting Debuts In Rough N' Rowdy 18 — Friday 8/19 8PM ETBUY NOW

Somebody Needs To Sign Joe Thornton To A Contract By The Time You're Done Reading This Blog

Just take one good look at the photo above and tell me that Jumbo doesn't have a few more quality years left in the tank. I mean just look at this stallion. That is one of the best tans I've ever seen. If I had to take a guess on when the last time Joe Thornton had a shirt on his body, I'd say it was May 23rd. That was the day the Florida Panthers were swept by the Tampa Bay Lightning out of the 2nd round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Ever since then it's been tarps off for Jumbo and he's just been soaking in the sun ever since. The only thing that really shocks me here is the fact that you can see a little tan line above the shorts. I just assumed Jumbo was the type of guy who'd get a little sun on the hang down every so often. 

But yeah, back to the point here. You take a look at Joe Thornton and then you take a look at Mitch Marner. That's a cat who has a cap hit of $10.9M next season. He just had a monster 97 point season on 35 goals and 62 assists. And he looks like the square root of Joe Thornton. So I just don't understand how Joey T is chilling on the lake right now without a contract in his hand. Colorado still has some money to blow, especially when it seems like all signs are pointing towards Kadri signing with the Islanders. You don't think Joe Thornton would like to end his career helping the Avs win back-to-back Cups? Nashville has some money to blow. Only issue there would be that none of the bachelorette parties would ever leave Nashville once they catch a glimpse of Joe walking around Broadway with his top off. LA has just enough money to blow. I know it would be a little weird for a former Shark to skip over to LA but you don't think Quinton Byfield could learn a thing or two from one of the greats?

Moral of the story here is that in the time it took me to write this blog, a GM could have gotten on the phone with Joe Thornton's agent and got a deal done. Maybe Joe is just living his life right now and not giving a shit about hockey, as evidenced by that killer tan. But you know once that thing wears off, he'll be raring to go. Sure would hate to be one of the 31 teams that doesn't make it happen. 

@JordieBarstool