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A Complete And Thorough Breakdown Of This 'Perfect Barbecue' Study

Alright this is something I actually enjoy blogging. Finding these random studies or layouts and giving my opinion. That's what we're doing here. Mind you I'm in the suburbs now. I'm in a neighborhood where a barbecue is a nice little Sunday. This isn't being blogged by a single 25-year old. Nor will it be Tommy's perfect Memorial Day BBQ:

Alright let's get into the study here

Brits have shared what makes the perfect barbeque – beginning at 2pm, in 22 degrees weather, and lasting four hours.

Fucking celsius. Okay 22 degrees equals 71.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Not nearly warm enough. That's the first problem here. Need it to be a minimum high 70s. Truthfully though give me low 80s with a slight breeze. I want it to feel like summer. I don't want to do the 'do I need to wear a long sleeve shirt' debate and then make the wrong decision. Then there's the time. 4 hours starting at 2pm? Fuck no. I don't hate the 4 hour rule. But it's a cookout. Way too early for a dinner - no one is just sitting around for 3 hours and then eating a 5pm dinner. Start it at 4. Pretty easy to do with 4 hours. 

A poll of 2,000 adults found the ultimate grill session should be hosted in a picturesque garden setting or beauty spot, with eight guests deemed to be the perfect manageable number.

Give me me patio with a game on my TV there and music playing. Simple. Eight guests? Good number. Need it between 8-12 for burger and bun buying. 

Top dishes served should be hot dogs, steaks, drumsticks and burgers – although nearly one in five (18%) would opt for kebabs, while 15% would like to see fish being offered.

You bring fish to my cookout and you're getting the boot. I'm not even anti-fish. Love a good salmon or mahi mahi. But that's not cook out material. Cook outs are simple. You get a nice big grill or a smoker and you put meat on there - can be red, can be chicken. But it's a simple concept here. Fish is not part of a cookout. Never has been, never will. Also, not a kebab fan. That might be a hot take, but I don't want to line up the skewers only to take food off of it. I'm a simple man. Let me smoke some chicken wings, put burger, dogs and some chicken on the grill. Bam. Perfect. 

And ketchup was voted the favourite condiment by 37%, followed by barbeque sauce and mayonnaise (31% each).

Here comes my hottest take. I HATE ketchup. In fact I had a tweet about it during a dinner debate recently. I debated bbq sauce has a higher approval rating than ketchup. I don't think I'm alone in an anti-ketchup stance. I know people like it, just not for me. I don't want it near my food, I don't even want the smell of it. BBQ sauce, mayo, some sort of chipotle sauce and aioli are the go-tos. 

And whilst men are more likely to step up to the grill (38%), it was revealed a quarter of them regularly end up burning the food.

Amateurs. 

The average Brit will hold three cookouts a year, attend a total of four, and think July is the best month to have one.

Good way to honor the country that beat you. 

The research, commissioned by Warburtons, also found one in four believe it’s not a proper barbeque without a bowl of coleslaw, while 22% enjoy a potato salad.

Mac and Cheese is number 1 for me with macaroni salad at 2. 

Oh and bring burrata