Alex Bennett and Coach Duggs Make Their Fighting Debuts In Rough N' Rowdy 18 — Friday 8/19 8PM ETBUY NOW

I Did It Again. How I Won Barstool's Most Dangerous Gameshow

Well folks, I’ve done it again. Surviving Barstool. The Dozen Tournament. Lowering The Bar Tournament. Heck, I’ll even throw in Barguments Season 2 and the NAV Arcade Games Championship. And now I add another trophy from Barstool’s Most Dangerous Gameshow. As the great DJ Khaled once said, all I do is win. 

But you may be wondering, “How the hell did you do it again Tommy? How did you come into this game with the biggest target on your back and still manage to pull it off? Are you the greatest reality show contestant of all time?” 

Well this blog is where you will get all your answers. But I couldn’t have done it without the magnificent script writers. A lot of people online seem to think we keep creating million dollar game show productions just to script it all and put money in my pocket. And they would be right! The whole week was carefully planned out like an Ocean’s Eleven heist. Every word. Every syllable. Every movement. So thank you to those writers. (But in reality if you believe that, you are truly brain dead and you should donate your brain to science so we can figure out how it’s possible for a person to be so stupid). I take it as a compliment though. I'm SO good that people believe it has to be fixed. That's true dominance. 

(^ My favorite video ever made)

So here’s a full breakdown of how I actually pulled it off. 

Pre-Game

I think it’s important to stress how truly little we knew about what this show would be. Logan and Rob (the show producers) pulled me aside one day and asked if I wanted to do a show in the woods for a week and my immediate answer was no. I am not a natural outdoorsman by any means and the word “Danger” is not something I run towards. But they told me there would be a strategy component to it and after hearing the prize was $25,000, I figured I’d give it a shot. I also knew Rone was the host and creator behind it so I figured it would be good since he has a habit of elevating any content he's attached to. 

We had a meeting about a week before leaving where they basically just told us to expect to be camping in tents for a week and that there would be dangerous challenges. We had to sign a release form that basically signed our lives away. At this point, I was regretting my decision heavily. Especially after talking to my mom who put the fear of ticks in me. I was also convinced there would be no eliminations. I thought it would be some type of point system where winning challenges would be the only thing that matters or something of that ilk. So pregame alliances weren’t really on my mind and going in I truly thought my chances of winning were very low but I figured it would at least make for some funny content. 

The Sunday before leaving, I went to an outdoors store with the intention of spending hundreds of dollars on camping gear. In reality, I left with about $80 worth of bug spray and decided I was good to go. A couple nights before leaving I read the short story “The Most Dangerous Game” and was fully expecting to go in and have Rone hunt us or some shit like that. 

Day 1 (Thursday) 

The eight contestants met at the Barstool office and loaded into a van. After stopping at a gas station near the camp and seeing a local newspaper warning of the incoming tick invasion this summer, my anxiety doubled. 

That anxiety quadrupled when we pulled into our destination, and after checking our Apple Maps location, we realized we were in New York instead of the children's summer camp in Pennsylvania we were told filming was at. Smitty was calling his wife. I was calling my parents. We thought we had been kidnapped as part of the show. In retrospect, this was very stupid and we were actually just at the Mattress Firm Mansion for the opening scene, but paranoia was high. In the van up, we all agreed we'd stick together and deny doing anything we deemed too dangerous. That camaraderie would not last long. 

After shooting the open mansion scene, we headed to that first bug eating challenge in the field and it looked like a scene straight out of Midsommar. While we were waiting in the car, Sas grabbed a walkie talkie and yelled "Mayday! Mayday!" as a joke. The production crew (a very legit group that has worked on other reality shows and movies) took it very seriously, ran up the hill, and promptly yelled at him. 

As for the challenge itself, I was definitely quite scared when I saw there were live scorpions staring at my face. 

But once I knew they'd be blended up and we just had to drink them, I felt confident. I had won the Lowering The Bar tournament just a few weeks before this and felt that eating gross shit was my greatest asset for this show. At this point, I didn't know what the benefit was of winning the challenge. I kept asking the producers "Why do I want to win this? What's the prize?" and they wouldn't answer but just said that it would be beneficial to win. So I figured I'd go all out because just in case winning challenges was the deciding factor of who wins at the end or some shit like that, this was the only I felt confident winning. And win I did. The prize was a night in the Mattress Firm Mansion (where I could unjunk my sleep!). And we had to vote two other people in to stay there with me. I voted for Jordyn since everyone was voting her in anyway for reaching the finals of the challenge. And I voted for Smitty since he was my closest ally. It ended up being Sydney and Jordyn getting voted in. And it was time to go to work. 

I immediately told them I voted for them both to go in the mansion (a lie) and talked about creating an alliance. We were all game. At the time, the idea was we'd create a voting bloc to put ourselves in the mansion every single night (before we knew more rules to the game). We cemented the alliance with some face masks. 

In hindsight, getting to spend this first night in the mansion with Jordyn and Syndey was vital to me winning the game. It let me make alliances with two people I didn't previously have super strong connections with. They're also newer to Barstool and hadn't been here during Surviving Barstool so they were more inclined to work with me than say Billy or Bri. But anyone who says "Oh Jordyn and Sydney should have never aligned with Tommy" are so wrong. Working with me is a legitimately smart move. In Surviving Barstool, my main allies were Nick, Bri, and Kelly. We got to the Final 4. This time it was Jordyn, Smitty, and Sydney. We got to the Final 5 and I wasn't the one who broke that alliance. So the narrative that I'm a snake always turning on people isn't really true. What's true is this. If you do try to take me out, then I will slither my way out of my snake pit and bite you. The people who chose to come for me (Billy and Bri) were the first two to go. The two people who aligned me with night one (Sydney and Jordyn) both made the top 5 and had strong chances to win. So I really am a good person to work with. I'll get us to the end together, but then I will beat you. 

But the point here is that I think it was wise for the three of us to team up. And for as much as I play the heel role on these shows, I am actually quite pleasant to be around. So getting a night to spend time with them and get along and make them laugh and put a face mask on me was a great bonding experience. At the end of the day, all these shows are social games more than anything else. You need people to like you. You need people to enjoy being around you. I was able to do that. 

Meanwhile back at camp, General Smitty was rallying the troops against me. 

In reality,  we had an alliance and he told me did this, but I still would've preferred if he did not. 

Day 2 (Friday)

We got to the Roach Motel challenge and that's when Rone dropped the bomb that the mansion people couldn't compete in the challenge. And that the winner would be the sole person deciding who goes home. This didn't make the cut, but Rone asked the camp group who they'd eliminate if they won and everyone basically agreed it would be me. I felt like a sitting duck. Winning that first challenge could've been a death sentence. It was the only instance where winning a challenge didn't offer protection. So I would've been quite mad if that led to me going home. But then again, I probably don't win if I'm not there with Jordyn and Sydney that first night. 

I was rooting HARD against Billy and Bri who were the two most Anti-Tommy people. I felt fine if Smitty or Vibbs won. Sas winning never crossed my mind. When Bri had a 2-0 lead on Vibbs in the finals, I felt very nervous. If she won, I was definitely going to be her target. BUT I don't know if I definitely would've went home because I think I could have convinced Smitty, Jordyn, Sydney and perhaps Vibbs to vote me into the mansion and ensure my safety that way. Luckily though, Vibbs won with an epic comeback. 

Billy was vocally wanting me out and bossing me around camp thinking it was a done deal, so my main goal was to turn everyone against Billy. Thankfully, it seemed like that was Billy's goal too. He was the prototypical Survivor player who tries to take a leadership role around camp and boss everyone around, only to immediately get voted out first. Between Billy being Billy, and me having a good relationship with Vibbs outside the game, I felt pretty confident. I also stressed to Vibbs that it could set a bad precedent for the challenge winner to immediately get sent home. Which was true. Me and Vibbs were viewed as two of the bigger threats in the game (for different reasons) so it made sense for him to keep me around as a "meat shield." Vibbs assured me I wasn't going home and I felt confident he was telling me the truth. One reason I am able to succeed in these games is because I am good at reading people. I can usually tell when someone is lying to me and when they're telling the truth. And I'm pretty self-aware about what a person thinks of me as I'm talking to them inside or outside of these games. Being so hyper-aware of that is probably a product of just being self-conscious and anxious, but it's an asset in these games for sure.

We held hands and shook on it to seal the deal. I promised that I would never vote him out if I won a challenge. And I consider Vibbs a friend so I truly would have kept that promise. I can be a man of honor!

So since I felt safe, I no longer saw a need to go in the mansion. Deciding who to put in the mansion the first night was kind of a crapshoot. We didn't totally understand the strategy of it yet. We figured we'd put Vibbs there since he won and earned a night of unjunked sleep. Sas we put there just for kicks. And then it did kind of dawn on me that it made sense to put Bri in there because she was the person who wanted me out the most. So if she was in the mansion, she wouldn't get the chance to compete the next day and thus wouldn't have the opportunity to vote me out. 

At the elimination arena, Billy and Bri again talked about wanting me out. It reiterated to me that they needed to go ASAP. This wasn't Survivor where groupthink mattered. All it took was one single person who wanted me out to win a challenge and I would be finished. So I had to eliminate those people. And then all I had to do was convince one single person every night why they shouldn't vote me out. My strategy became clear. I needed to make the huge target on my back as small as possible. Scream like a girl. Do bad in challenges. Be generally weak (which was easy). Tell everyone I could never win again. And then take out anyone who was shooting at that target. So off Billy went. 

Day 3 (Saturday)

This was the turning point of the game. Me, Sydney, Smitty, and Jordyn got back to camp and "Team Constellation" formed. We realized something. While the mansion people lived the life of luxury, the camp people actually controlled the game. We were the only people who could compete in the challenges and thus the only people who could decide who gets eliminated. If we could stick together and ensure that it was one of us winning the challenge, then we could keep the rest of the people in purgatory at the mansion and bring them over one by one to eliminate them. Sure it would be tempting to turn on each other for different reasons, but this was the only way to truly guarantee we'd be in the final four where we could duke it out from there. It made sense from the game perspective and also a career perspective of "Hey, the longer we last, the more screen time we get and the better it is for us personally." It just made sense. And I also started to murmur about how there's no way the council would ever vote for me to win another gameshow. It's something I did sort of believe at the time, but it was also a strategic tactic to give people a reason to keep me around. 

This was the blood challenge. While people thought I was throwing the challenges, that wasn't totally the case here. I definitely wasn't going balls to the walls to win this one. But Sydney did find my name almost immediately so I didn't even get the chance to try really. Winning would have painted a bigger target on my back which definitely would've hurt, but winning also would've been the only way to ensure my target went home. And that target was Bri. 

Bri played Surviving Barstool with me and had seen me pull this off before. She cast the winning vote for me in that and I think she held some resentment towards me over that. She was very vocal in how dangerous I was and how I needed to go home ASAP. That meant she needed to go home ASAP. 

I did everything I could to turn Sydney, the challenge winner, against Bri. I mentioned how she's very sneaky and smart and an under the radar competitor. I also played the "Oh Bri is so successful she probably doesn't even want to be here" card. I don't think that was necessarily true because she is fiercely competitive, but I was doing everything I could to turn Sydney against her. And once Bri said to me that she wanted to break up Jordyn and Sydney, I ran to Sydney to tell her that and it was game over for Chickenfry. With only two people going to the house, we sent Sas and Vibbs to keep them neutralized while Team Constellation remained at camp. 

Day 4 (Sunday)

It was at this point that I started to think to myself "Oh I might actually pull this off." I was able to get out the two biggest anti-Tommy people and felt good in my alliance. But there was a lot of work to be done still. 

This was the night Rone came to the camp in the middle of night and woke us up for the fire/snake challenge. We were all genuinely stunned. I don't remember exactly what time it was but I know we had all already headed to our tents for the night. 

This is just Survivor 101. Never give people the chance to talk about you. It's the only way they can plot against you. Stay in the crowd. If a bunch of people stay up, stay up with them. If a bunch of people go fishing, go fishing with them. If a bunch of people go get firewood, go get firewood with them. I was extremely paranoid anytime I saw people talking without me there, so I tried to always be there. Stressful? Yes. Worth it? Also yes. 

Coming into it, I thought we might get fucked with at night, but I let my guard down and was truly shocked here. I thought this challenge was awesome. I mean I had no chance to win it. But visually it was very cool. The night. The snakes. The fire. It was sick to be a part of it. But I had no chance to win this one. People can say I threw this, but if my life depended on it, I never would've started that fire in a million years. Now you'll say "Oh Tommy don't you want to be on Survivor???" Yes I do. And if I ever do get cast, part of my training will be learning how to build a fire. But that hasn't happened yet, so I haven't felt the need to learn. Sydney won which was very expected as the host of Barstool Outdoors. 

This is a challenge I wouldn't have wanted to win though even if I could have. I knew there was a chance Vibbs was going home, and I gave him my word I wouldn't be the one to send him home. I would've stuck to that. If I won, I would've sent Sas home because I viewed him as a wild card who had mentioned wanting me out in the past. 

I was the first to have my confessional before this elimination, and doing confessionals was my least favorite thing. While I did love talking about the game and delivering one liners, it always gave people the chance to talk about me, and I told you guys how much I HATE that. In this unaired confessional, I said that I'd consider convincing Sydney to vote off Sas instead of Vibbs. I felt I owed Vibbs after he saved me night one and I also thought Sas was someone gaining popularity with the council and could just coast to the end and win while making no enemies. 

But when I got back to camp, I was told Vibbs was gunning for me. And when you gun for me, I gun for you. And my shots don't miss. This was the closest I came to going home for sure. Sydney seemed to really consider sending me home. Smitty and Jordyn were key in convincing her to stick to the alliance. But what really sealed it for me didn't even make the cut. I had one talk with Sydney you saw here. 

Told her it was beneficial to keep me around as a shield and someone she could beat. But there was also a talk between Vibbs and Syndey where apparently Vibbs told her "If you vote me off, I'll never vote for you to win" and Sydney didn't like that. So when she told me that, I went full nice guy Tommy mode. "Wow I can't believe he'd say that. That's too far. Just so you know, I won't hold any hard feelings against you if you take me out." Now on the surface, that may seem like bad strategy. To tell someone you'll still vote for them to win if they take you out could appear counterintuitive. But again, this is a social game and an emotional game. People often side with feelings over logic. My talk with Sydney left her feeling like I was someone she could trust and work with. And that's ultimately why she chose to keep me. While I was a bit nervous at this elimination arena, she did give me pretty good assurance during this talk that I was safe, so it wasn't as dramatic for me as it appeared in the edit. But you still never know. Ultimately though, Sydney chose to take Vibbs out despite his great line. 

Vibbs was someone I did want to work with more, but he was a threat and basically just ended up outside the numbers once Team Constellation formed at camp. And he then made the deadly sin of coming for Tommy Smokes. 

I bet he'd fare well on a future season though. Also he has a HUGE penis!

Day 5 (Monday)

We sent Smitty and Sas to the house, and the original face mask alliance of me, Sydney, and Jordyn had gone from together at the mansion to together at the camp a few nights later. At this point, I thought our next target should be Sas because I viewed him as a council threat due to his likability and not pissing anyone off. I had to plant that seed to everyone else that it was actually Sas who was some big threat and not me. I could sell ice to an Eskimo. 

This was the water tank challenge which was the worst thing I've ever done in my life. It was HORRIFYING. Anyone who thinks it wasn't that bad should get in there themselves and I bet their tune would change real fast. I could barely keep my mouth and giant nose above water and once I went under, I immediately started coughing up the water so I decided to just hang onto the top since I heard Jordyn had found three keys already. She won and was now the one in power. 

I still wanted to target Sas, but Jordyn and Sydney wanted to vote me into the house and take Smitty out. I couldn't let this happen because it would nullify me from competing at the final challenge. I also still wanted Smitty in the game because I thought he was less of a threat than Sas to win at the end, and I trusted him to not take me out. Also I just like Smitty and was going to stay true to him at the end. So that whole afternoon, I spent a long time convincing Jordyn to not vote Smitty off. I never told Smitty he was in trouble because quite frankly I thought he would freak out and make it worse and get himself sent home. So I just decided to handle it myself and work my magic on Jordyn. It worked to save Smitty. But it did not work to take out Sas. 

I was STUNNED when Jordyn took Sydney out. They were so close the entire game and good friends in real life. Plus after an incident at camp the night before (which you can find out about in the aftershow HERE), I really thought there was NO chance these two would ever turn on each other. Honestly if I won that challenge I don't think I would've been able to take either of them out that night either just from a human perspective. And while I did think taking Sydney out was the right move, I never even considered bringing the subject up to Jordyn because I figured she'd never do it and then she would lose trust in me and might take me out instead. So the fact that Jordyn just did that on her own accord was perfect for me . 

Day 6 (Tuesday)

Jordyn made a great move. But the problem is she painted a HUGE target on her back with that move. She had now won a challenge and made the biggest elimination of the game. It's the only time I didn't have control over an elimination in my entire reality show career. I couldn't get to the end with someone who had a better game resume than me. My only path to winning was pitching "I played the best game" but if I was there with Jordyn, she could hold that move over my head as proof she played a better game. So I needed her out. 

Smitty and Sas seemed to be on the same page of taking her out as well. And Jordyn was set to take Smitty or Sas out. I basically felt confident no matter what that I wouldn't be eliminated, but I wanted to have one more challenge win under my belt and also final say. And I really wanted to give that King Cobra speech. 

I thought the set up of the final challenge was really cool with the board game and past challenges coming back. I definitely had luck on my side here. My rolls were favorable. I didn't have to go in the tank. All I had to do was shoot an arrow and drink the bugs. BUT I will counter and say that the other players had the opportunity to make me do the tasks and they chose not to because I had already convinced them all to take me to the end. So there was some strategy that helped me out too. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

Once I won, the decision to take out Jordyn was easy. She was a great competitor all game. She was strategic and a threat in the challenges. If she got to the end, she probably deserved to win. And that's why she had to go. Strictly out of respect. There wasn't a second of hesitation on my end even though she almost drowned. 

Final Council

I loved the twist that me, Smitty, and Sas got to vote for each other too. I figured there'd be some difference from Surviving Barstool and this was a real good way to do it. With a smaller jury of just 5, it's good to have those extra votes. And there's a ton of strategy and prisoner's dilemma at play in terms of who the finalists vote for. Going into it, I was set on voting Smitty because we had a deal and I didn't intend to break that. I figured Sas would just vote for Smitty and that would be whatever. I wasn't sure of my chances of winning going in but I was content. I knew I played the best game I possibly could and that I would win if the council respected that and lose if they were bitter. It was a bit freeing to realize I did everything I could and I'd be proud of myself no matter what happened. 

As the final council unfolded, I learned a few things. Billy and Bri were NOT happy with me. Me and Billy really went at it and it was definitely tense in the moment. I just didn't like that he was coming at me from such a real perspective when I felt like he should've just respected my game as a competitor. Brianna was just mad that I got her out but I thought there's a chance she'd vote for me again for playing the best game since she did in Surviving Barstool, but she clearly holds some resentment towards me over that so that was unfixable. And yes, I probably was a little too abrasive in my opening speech with the "Execution" line but again, I knew I had to just come out guns blazing with big talk about how I played the best game and why the council should respect that. I had to prevent a bitter jury. 

That didn't work with Billy and Bri, but it did work with Sydney and Jordyn. They are both strong competitors who went far in the game with me so I think they respected how I played. They treated it like a reality competition show which is how every jury should treat every show. It's not Barstool's Most Honest And Nice Gameshow. It's about who went out there and pulled the strings and manipulated and held the power. That's called playing the game. And that should be rewarded. So credit to Sydney and Jordyn for being aware of that and voting that way. 

I thought Vibbs was voting for me too, and I knew me and Smitty had the deal. So in my head, I had 4 votes. Sydney, Jordyn, Smitty, and Vibbs. All of a sudden, I felt pretty good about things. It was at this point that I realized I needed to break my deal with Smitty which was not easy. But my logic was this. I had those four votes. Sas was voting Smitty (or so I thought). And I saw Billy and Bri whispering to each other the entire final council conspiring against me to ensure I don't win. So I knew they were voting together. If they voted for Smitty together, and I voted for him too along with Sas' vote, then it would be a 4-4 tie. So I had to vote Sas to make it 4-3-1 and ensure victory. My vote predictions obviously didn't end up being right since Sas voted for me, Vibbs voted for Smitty, and Bri and Billy voted for Sas, but in my head that was the mathematical decision I had to make at the time. I felt bad because Smitty was very real life mad at me, but we had a nice talk the next day and I explained my logic. I love Smitty and consider him a friend so having him that mad at me really soured the winning moment for me. Even at the wrap party he didn't want to talk to me, and that made me feel very bad so I didn't enjoy the victory too much in the moment. But we're back on normal terms now (I think) and the Uptown Balls will remain together to defend our crown. 

When Rone was reading the votes, I was expecting to win because of the math I said above. But you still never know. Having that last vote reveal my name was an incredible feeling. 

I just threw my hands up in the air because I really couldn't believe I pulled it off again. I came into the game with the biggest target on my back, willingly put myself up for elimination every night, survived each time, told everyone at final council I was better than them, and then got enough votes to win. 

People can move the goalposts all they want. "Tommy will never win Surviving Barstool." "He'll never win Most Dangerous Game." "Tommy only wins because he plays against amateurs." "Tommy would get smoked on real Survivor." BLAH BLAH BLAH. You keep making excuses and I'll keep fucking winning. 

I think it's super unfair that the rest of the cast gets shit on and told they're dumb idiots for getting played by me. Don't focus hate towards them. Focus praise towards me for being that good. It's easy to sit at home and say you'd take me out. But once you get in that arena in me? It's a whole new ballgame. Once I get a chance to work my magic on you by charming you into liking me and making you fear working against me, you'll be under my spell too. (And it's not even some crazy spell. Vibbs taking out Billy first was smart. Smitty, Sydney, and Jordyn working with me was smart. It just didn't work out in the end, but it certainly could have if things broke a little differently). 

Wrap Up

Alright that's juuuuust about enough self-masturbation for now. But maybe it's not. When I watched the finale back, I was mad at myself for not being MORE cocky in the moment. It's just awkward to celebrate in front of two people you just beat (Smitty and Sas) and two others (Billy and Bri) who seem to really hate you. So I'll be doing that insufferable victory lap for the foreseeable future. You've been warned. But now to jerk off some other people. 

Rone's hosting was INCREDIBLE. He played the character of exotic rich guy perfectly. He was the ideal fit for that role, and he crushed it. The one liners, the witty banter, his feel of the game, it was all just so good. He also deserves a ton of credit for being the one who originally pitched the idea of a Barstool's Most Dangerous Gameshow. The man is a genius who elevates any content he's in. It's been great working with him more this year between this, Neighborhood Eats, and The Smokes Show. He's been an extremely helpful mentor for me and I appreciate it immensely and am glad to call him a friend too. 

I don't know what exact titles Logan and Rob had for this show but they were basically the two head producers in charge and they did an amazing job. They both care a lot about the Barstool Reality Universe (along with Jeff, Hank, MB) and continually put out great products. Logan was probably the most stressed person the entire week but he kept the show running smoothly despite some hiccups and was able to churn out an amazing finished product. And I always like working with Rob as a director on branded shoots. Sure, it might be annoying when he asks us to walk down the hill with a slightly different gait for a 9th take, but that's just because he cares about this craft so much and has a unique, creative vision that always delivers. There's also like a million other people that worked on this, and I'm a little afraid to list them in case I forget someone. But all the producers on the ground that week (Kelsey, Tara, Caitlyn, Georgiana) all the camera people (Steve, Booze, Wallace), all the editors (Nick, Trent, Jake), all the challenge creators (Will, Bill), all the production staff (Ben, Josh) and everyone else all came together to make this happen. That was way too over the top of an Oscar speech type acceptance speech but I didn't want to miss anyone and make them hate me. Always have to play the game even when you're not in the game. And if I didn't list you then that's not my fault, I just went through the end credits and picked a bunch out. 

I really enjoyed the format of this show. People who say "Oh it's dumb the mansion people can't compete" just don't understand that was the whole purpose of the show. It was an added layer of strategy. Do you want to be in the mansion have the guaranteed safety? Or is it not worth it since you can't compete? Obviously, the alliance formed at the camp and we realized a way to manipulate the show to a degree, but there's no guarantee that would happen in future seasons. If a majority alliance runs the table in Survivor, it might be considered a less exciting season, but it doesn't mean the rules of the show need to change. But I'm sure next year there will be some tweaks to the format and I'm excited to watch (from the sidelines).

And lastly, the rest of the cast made this a lot of fun. I talked about Smitty above. Sas lasted way longer than people expected and I'd never say this to his face, but I like him a lot as a person. I spent basically the whole week with Jordyn and Syndey and enjoyed getting to know them better and plotting together while they gave me face masks. Vibbs was always great vibes and again has a HUGE penis. And I don't even hate Billy or Bri despite how tense things I got. Maybe I'd feel differently if their bitterness cost me $25,000, but guess we don't have to worry about that!

And hanks to all the Tommy chanters out there who cheered me on. Definitely had a bigger fanbase this time than on Surviving Barstool. Rooting for the Patriots might make you feel dirty, but the parades sure are fun.

And with that, I wrap up my 6,000 word blog and ride off into the sunset. I retired from the Barstool Reality Universe on the after show because I think there is simply no chance I pull this off again. 

(Credit to Blake aka the formula baby intern for making all these hype videos. He armed me with a Kim Jong Un level of propaganda for this victory lap). 

I want to just go out on top. If I ever do another vote-out show (this or Surviving Barstool) I'll absolutely be the first to go. And I'm not good enough at challenges to do Barstool vs. America. Maybe if we create some new show it could drag me out of retirement, but I would say it is highly, highly unlikely and I'd instead love to help from a producer side of things. 

But there IS one show that could drag me out of reality show retirement………… 

Jeff Probst and Survivor, my DMs are open.