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How To Get Pussy In Chicago: Own A Boat Or Play For The White Sox?

This came up on Red Line Radio this week and I think it's important to revisit before we get into the weekend. A lot of people reading this are horny and want to have sex. I think it's a worthy discussion. 

Personally I think it's all about the circumstances. If you're in Mt. Greenwood on a Saturday night, you're taking the White Sox every time. That's the most consensual sex you can have in Chicago. They're still beggin for Paul Konerko's dick on 111th street I can guarantee you that. 

But if you're in Old Town, no shot playing for the White Sox moves the needle. In fact, most neighborhoods I'm willing to bet that's more of a Fun Fact than a Moisture-Inducing Career. 

The boat on the otherhand always drives the babes wild. Doesn't even matter how big the boat is and there's a good chance you don't even own it. Your uncle lets you split some of his timeshare. But you have access to it and that's all that matters. 

There's room for 10 if you have any friends

Buddy she's got some friends. Only question is does she want to bring the slutty ones from industry night or the real friends from Schaumburg. 

Meantime the utility infielder from the White Sox would be lucky to break some kind of relevancy in the conversation. Playing for the Sox is merely just a path to owning a boat in her mind. Unless of course she's a season ticket holder. Then you're in for some weird, filthy sex but that's the exception. And based on what I've heard, ticket sales are down. 

That's why I'm going boat. Normally I'd argue against the majority but in this case I think it's too obvious. You are so much more appealing as a boat owner/steward in this city than a utility infielder for the White Sox. I could be wrong but I'm also 100% right. 

Curious if you guys agree. And if so, what would you compare to owning a boat? Honestly I think that's #1 but I'm definitely open to your persuasion. What's the #1 card to play to get laid? Sound off below: