If you've been traveling at all lately, you know that airlines all across the joint are fucking up people's days, trips, and I'll even go so far as to say that they are fucking up our lives. It's too much.
Look, we understood when we were at the height of a pandemic. Things were tough. People were getting sick all over the place and we didnt know what was going to happen. We know what is going to happen now. We are gonna get fucked in places we do not want. For some, that's the mouth. For others, it's the butt. For few, it's the vagina. Either way, we are fucked.
Take a handsome and kind guy like me for example. Last night I set my alarm for 3:50. That's right 3:50. Why? Because my flight was scheduled to depart at 6:05 Portland Maine time. At around 3 am, I got a text that my flight had been delayed. I was set to leave at 9:30 am now and was still going to be able to make my connection in Chicago. At 6:30 am, I got another text that my flight had been delayed again and this time, I was going to miss my connection. There were no connections to San Antonio, so I had to call someone. Their advice was to head to the airport and try to be on a standby list.
Fast forward a few hours, I'm sitting at the airport with another delay-- this time until 2:15. I'm here already and through security while sitting in an airport chair that I'll occupy for about 5 hours wanting to die more with each passing minute. Shockingly, there's not much in terms of stores at this airport. I did, however, find some chocolate-covered blueberries which I'm kinda pumped about but don't wanna show it because I'm mad about the flight, ya know? I won't get home until nearly midnight now which makes my old bones ache. I need to be in bed each night by 10 pm. I am being treated unfairly and I kind of want to scream and lament in ashes like my friend Noah did after his son Ham looked upon him and his nakedness while Noah was hammered in a tent from the wine he made. Apparently, that wine was fuckin fire. Genesis 9:20-27.
Each moment in the airport feels like an eternity. We watch while other smiling passengers board their planes with their bags in tow. They are excited about sleeping in either their beds or a new vacation bed. I long for the caress of my Egyptian-cotton sheets. I long for the kisses from sweet and tiny Baby Dale Woohoo. I long to pat Gussy Boy From Heaven Above's head while I take my shoes off as I come in the front door. I was supposed to be home at 12:40 pm. With the delays, that means twelve hours more of traveling. Each hour will be worse than the one before. United will face nothing as a punishment for their dereliction of duty and malfeasance. There will be no justice. There will be no refunds or voucher points. There will be no apology. There will just be this blog with me complaining and I'll do it again next week when I travel again because we have no choice. We have to travel this way. We are held by the balls by these awful companies with awful services and awful planes but delightful blueberries.
The airline industry is an abomination to the Lord. It's that simple and it's that depressing.