Somebody Build A Time Machine And Take Us Back To 1971 When Wrigley Beers Cost $0.55

Alexa

Again

Nothing like a tall milk and a cold beer to start the 12:30 Sunday double header. Also kinda related but very unrelated - I still very much enjoy a glass of milk. It's all about timing. Some people think milk is gross but really it's all circumstance. Milk at a baseball game = gross. Milk and cookies = delicious. Don't make me belabor this very obvious point and more importantly, don't be a milk hater. Your mom's jugs deserve more respect. 

Speaking of your mom, my dad was a high school senior in 1971. Back then you could spend $20 on a nice jacket, box seats and have plenty left over to blackout on lukewarm Old Style. No wonder it was America's pastime for so long. You could go to a game and casually indulge in all your vices and have it considered socially acceptable. Where's Uncle Frank? He's such a big baseball fan - spends his entire paycheck on the team. Never misses a game and will surely die of some amalgamation of lung/liver/skin cancer. Oh that Uncle Frank sure does love his Cubs. 

I haven't smoked a heater in like 6 weeks which a lot of you don't believe but you should. Resist the temptation with me right now. Old movies get me all the time. Cary Grant smokes a cig and I instinctively need to join him. And save the surgeon general. There's something about a black and white movie that makes smoking seem healthy to me. Like nobody at the time of filming had any idea and as such the transitive property applies. A nice smooth cigarette under the warm covers of bed actually sounds quite relaxing.

Anyways a dollar back then is worth about $7.36 now. As a child I first learned about the time value of money via candy bars. That snickers was a nickel when I was your age aroused an economic awakening in a young Barstool Carl. How could that be? 25 years later and I'm still capturing that same awe. Except now it's with cold ones and going to Wrigley Field where it now averages about $330 for a family of 4 to sit with us upper deck heathens. (Scorecard not included.)

Nobody cares. We're all fucked. Distract yourself by coming up with the perfect $3.00 order from the 1971 concessions: 

- 2 Old Styles ($1.10)

- Ham sandwich ($0.35)

- 2 dogs ($0.80)

- Large peanut ($0.25)

- 1 Big Sausage Pizza

​What's your order?