If Dan Bilzerian Is Married There's No Hope For The Rest Of Us Playboys

What in the fresh hell is this???

Let me say this first- I do not think Dan Bilzerian is married. I think this is obviously him doing a wacky bit. My best guest is he is walking a nice young lady down the aisle at someone else's wedding. Some reports are saying that nice young lady is Hailey Grice.

So despite no confirmed reports and the lady wearing a green dress, the internet seems to think he got married in a private ceremony in the French Riviera. And if it's true, if Dan Bilzerian has settled down, there is truly no hope out there for the rest of us. No hope for us playboys who are with a different woman, sometimes multiple at a time, every night. Men, manly, manly men like myself, Bilzerian, and Leo have chosen this lifestyle for a reason. We aren't misogynists, we simply don't believe in monogamy, and the women of the world are better off for it. They are LUCKY we choose our fast and loose lifestyle. 

We already lost Clooney. We lost Jeter. Shit, we even lost Biz. I don't know if we can afford to lose Bilzerian. Sure, that means more muff for the rest of us. But this is a brotherhood, god dammit. It's not all about the puss, it's about the friends we make along the way. Next thing you know Bilzerian will be popping out kids ON PURPOSE. Fucking gross, dude. I don't even like that I just put that thought into the universe. 

Let us hope this is just a bit by Dan and he isn't making the rest of us look bad. I promise you this- I will never settle down. I'll be slaying models til I'm on my deathbed. Natey Hefner, Bad Boy for life.