Sunday Sentences

Sunday Sentences are back. Here are more written words. I want to complain about putting myself in a situation where I have to get an entire blog out every Sunday, but I won't do that. The only negative about Barstool is that I can never complain about work again. I've been complaining about work my entire life. It comes second nature. Even when things are going great, sometimes I just want to complain. 

One of these days I'm going to stop trembling when I'm on camera. As soon as I sit down to record The Yak or Picks Central, I forget how to be a human being. All of the basic conversation skills I've learned in my 30 years of life just leave my brain. Maybe I should just start drinking before I go on camera. It seems like getting drunk would solve this problem. At least temporarily.

I also never realized how little I knew about sports until I sat in on Picks Central a few times. Holy shit do I know nothing about baseball. 

Dave and Erika have been breathing down my neck to start reviewing something, so I'm going to review every side of the road COVID-19 Test Van in New York.

I don't use chopsticks. I never learned how. At ramen restaurants I ask for a fork. I did this the other day and the waiter told me, "There's no shame in asking for a fork." -- Yeah no shit, pal. I didn't feel shame until you said something. What a dick. 

I want Shohai Ohtani to hit .395 with 80 HR, but then go 3-22 as a starting pitcher with a 7.94 ERA to see if they give him the MVP. 

I have been in a war with the guy I'm renting my room from. He was refusing to give me AC, so I stole a poop pillow he left in my room and auctioned it off on The Yak. 

The next day he installed an AC unit, but the day after that the lock on my front door broke. I'm living in an unlocked room. The door doesn't even stay closed on its own. In order to get the door to stay shut, I have to tie a rope to chair, slide the rope underneath the door, then once I close the door I have to pull the chair up against the door so it doesn't swing back open. That's a terrible explanation so here's a video of me doing it.

Note: I still have trouble figuring out how to upload videos on the blog, so I'm just gonna tweet it from my burner account then post the tweet.

I do not like Selena Gomez's voice. 

I am cheering for Antonio Brown's rap career to take off.

Someone on Twitter asked me my opinion on cigarettes. There are only 5 cigarettes that I will buy. Parliaments when my money is up. Marlboro Lights when I have average money.  Camel Crushes or L&M Blues when I'm poor. And Virginia Slim 120's when I'm feeling sexy.

Every time I see this road sign, I like to imagine that it's warning me about semi-trucks popping side-wheelies around the curve. Caution: Stunt Trucks

Speaking of semi-trucks. There's a bridge in Syracuse that someone told me about. I want to go visit. It's a low bridge that semi-trucks get stuck under all the time. The bridge has never once gone down. The bridge is undefeated. I want to go sit underneath it and cheer for trucks to hit the bridge.

When I first got selected for Barstool Idol, I thought I should try to make a video. I had never done it before. So, I wrote a script and made my friends come over to help me film it. I thought it was going to be so funny. The premise of the video was, "What if cocaine was cool to do at work?"

We made the video, but when I watched it back I realized there weren't even any jokes. It was just a video of us doing drugs on camera. They weren't actual drugs, it was just baking powder. But it really looked like explicit drug use. I never thought the video would see the light of day, but now I want to release it. It might be funny bad. Barstool already hired me so fuck it here it is.

Kenny is a star in the making.