Just Because We Live In A Free Country Doesn't Mean You Should Be Allowed To Put Mayo In Your Coffee
You're rarely going to find a bigger advocate of mayonnaise than me. I think mayo is without a doubt the most versatile condiment in the game. It is terrific on its own, and even better when you use it as a base to make an elevated condiment. Throw some minced garlic and lemon juice in that bitch to make an easy aioli for your hamburgers. Add some hot sauce and some pickle juice in there to make a deliciously spicy mayo for your fried chicken sandwich. Or you can even just spread it on your bread to get the perfect crust for your grilled cheese sandwich. Moral of the story here is that mayonnaise kicks a ton of ass and deserves to be its own food group.
WITH THAT BEING SAID.....
In no fucking world does mayo ever belong in coffee. I'm sorry but that's just not what our forefathers had in mind when they said "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness". No siree. You put a few drops of mayo in your coffee and you immediately forfeit any of your rights. At the very least I think Kentucky should lose their bowl eligibility this season.
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I just want to live in a world where we have some accountability. Where we don't just idly sit back and let menaces to society run amok with reckless abandon. Like I said before, I love mayonnaise. But it's eggs, oil, and vinegar. Deconstruct mayonnaise and try to put all those ingredients in your morning coffee. Crack a few eggs, crack open a bottle of vinegar, add a tablespoon of oil. And then try to tell me that's how you want to start your day. It's insanity, is what it is. But we live in a world now where we have to praise Will Levis for his bravery to put mayo in his coffee? Hell no. Do something about it, Reags.
P.S. -- Still the best moment in mayonnaise history.