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Mia Khalifa Touts "Selling Your Body On OnlyFans Is Better Than Selling It To The Army" And She Might Be On To Something

People are going bananas over this clip. Overnight, I got several people saying "CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT?" Uhh yeah. I can. Are you shitting me? Of course OnlyFans is the better way to make money than the Army. Each and every day I see Tiktok creators, people on Twitter, and Glenny Balls talking about how much OnlyFans people make. Each and every day I see Tiktok creators, people on Twitter, and news articles about how much being in the military sucks. 

Let's see if we can possibly find out why:

If you dont know how military pay works, I'll explain it a little bit. 

So, all the way down at the bottom you see the starting pay. You're in boot camp and shit like that the first few months. You're getting 1700 dollars before taxes for that. After your first four months (or when boot camp is over for everyone), you're getting 1800 bucks a month. You're also getting medical, dental, housing, and sometimes food. But, unless you're a bag of shit, you'll like be at least an E-3 or possibly an E-4. If that happens, you're all the way up to maybe 2,500 a month. Not bad, right? It's kinda bad. 

OnlyFans, on the other hand, you get one viral video of you absolutely hammering your own butthole with a dildo or whatever and you can make nearly Portnoy-type money. Tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands a month for people you've never even heard of but have dynamite titties and other bits. Everyone on there isn't pulling millions but lots of folks are making a private's salary in two videos of their own privates. That's some good ass work if you can get it. 

But it's not just sucking and fucking that will get you paid. You gotta have some artistry. You need some skills. You think a tight angle shot of the first insertion is easy? Fuck no. That shit takes time behind the lens. It takes time editing. It takes time doing promo. It takes time to recover from some of that stuff they're doing in porn these days. I've never slipped and got stuck under the coffee table but it's happening more and more. Why? People fucking love it. They turn on a video and see someone getting the business and their day becomes happier. Turn on footage of war right now and that is not the case. 

Additionally, you could just ask most service members and they would likely say that they'd rather be making money doing OnlyFans than cleaning their rooms to a spotless status every single Thursday night for four years but I can't help but think about how much money I could have made when I had a tight little bod and a nice jawline. I looked like most guys in porn who dont like their face getting shown because they heard they had like a weird cum face or something. Not saying I do but I've never been told I dont have a weird cum face either. 


Anyway, each role in society serves a purpose. Without porn and without the military, our lives are all worse. We should be thankful that there are those out there who will willingly either give or bare all. If that's not something to rally around and celebrate, I don't know what is. 

Actually, I do. Let's get troops weed. OnlyFans creators dont have a firm no-weed policy. The DoD does. 

PS: Imagine being actually offended by this. I could not possibly care less. 

PSS: "No pictures of Mia! What the hell!" Shut up and google it, you horny fucks. I'm hungry and going to get breakfast. Look for your soft porn yourself.