4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE

Advertisement

Russia Accuses Ukraine of Using Biologically-Altered Ukrainian Berserkers To Whoop Russian Ass

Shutterstock Images.

Via: yahoo 

Nearly five months into its senseless war against Ukraine, Russia has concocted a wild new explanation for why the Kremlin’s plans for a quick takeover fell apart so spectacularly—because Ukrainian troops were turned into superhuman killing machines during “secret experiments” in American-run biolabs, of course.

Never mind the myriad reports of Russian troops refusing to fight by the thousands, sabotaging their own shoddy equipment and even deliberately wounding themselves to abandon the war, Russian lawmakers claim the real setback for Moscow was “drugged up” Ukrainian soldiers.

Konstantin Kosachev, the deputy speaker of Russia’s Federation Council, and Irina Yarovaya, deputy chair of the State Duma, touted what they described as bombshell findings from the “investigation.”

Testing of Ukrainian POWs’ blood, they claimed, uncovered “a range of diseases” that suggest they were secretly experimented on “for military purposes.”

“And we see: the cruelty and barbarity with which the military personnel of Ukraine behave, the crimes that they commit against the civilian population, those monstrous crimes that they commit against prisoners of war, confirm that this system for the control and creation of a cruel murder machine was implemented under the management of the United States,” Yarovaya was quoted telling reporters.

Well that explains it. It was the drugged-up Ukrainian soldiers who were whooping their asses. The high-mobility artillery rocket systems (HIMARS) haven't helped diminish the Russian Army's firepower by blowing up munitions depots, command centers, and various other shit at all. It's just the methed out and biolabbed up Ukrainians. 

Honestly, that shit would be awesome. I know for a fact a ton of my old pals would have signed up for a little bit of bio lab goofin if that meant taking the fight to the enemy. It wouldn't be the first time drugs have aided on a battlefield. The berzerkers used to do that shit on the reg.  Legend has it the berserkers used psychedelic mushrooms before battles to enter into a savage, trance-like state that allowed them to feel no fear and go wild in the melee like we see on the show Vikings which is absolutely sick. 

The berzerkers just drink down these shrooms, see visions of a seer, and then destroy everything in their path. It worked out well for the Vikings of yesteryear until it didn't but I'm not so sure that the Ukrainians are doing the same thing as our Nordic pals. Seems to me that the Ukrainians are just using the HIMARS, their crazy will to fight, and home ground advantage. Those three things will help any foe even the odds but it could also be Hep-A, some mushrooms from a biolab, and not the fact that the Russians are logistically in the stone age and getting blasted out of it by the HIMARS.