Alex Bennett and Coach Duggs Make Their Fighting Debuts In Rough N' Rowdy 18 — TONIGHT 8PM ETBUY NOW

"Get well soon, Large... OR ELSE!!!"

This one isn't pretty... Apologies in advance.

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I was laying on my couch, gingerly recovering from kidney stone surgery, when this little chestnut came across my timeline...

Winds up a friend of mine... Her name is Stephanie and she is deliciously fearless... Is in Vegas for some art auction and, while at the pool, she befriended an absolute human anomaly who she convinced to wish me a speedy recovery.

The anomaly in question is Allegra Cole, a 52-year-old newly single former star of the plastic surgery reality show "Botched" with size MM breast implants and at least six rounds of butt injections.

You may remember (but you probably don't) Allegra making headlines in December after her fifth round of aforementioned injections when she discovered she was unable to remove her thong due to the size of her expanding ass cheeks…

Well, I am happy to report that Allegra finally did get those drawers off and she is comfortably sitting by the pool in Vegas thinking of me in my time of need.

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Okay… Here's the thing.

I don't like to be mean.

However, there should've been an intervention with Miss Cole YEARS ago because she has obviously gone WAY beyond the point of no return.

My doctor gave me explicit instructions to avoid any sexual activity for the next week, or at least until my stent is removed, and now that guideline seems extremely attainable because pictures of this woman have made me question everything.

Plus… And I am just gonna say it… She's done some porn.  And not the soft-core stuff… The full-blown horse-pounding variety.  I just watched it, and you too are only a couple of keystrokes away from seeing a pair of naked nipples painfully stretched out over comically enhanced breasts that are bouncing on an almost-equally huge dick.

Absolute nightmare fuel.

I appreciate the good mojo, Allegra.  And I understand there is a market for your type of abnormality (she just ended a 20-year relationship with a seemingly normal gent), but MAN, you can throw this lady down on my short list of THINGS I WISH I COULD UNSEE, and I'd like to wish a hearty "FUCK YOU!" to my now ex-friend Stephanie for sending me down this rabbit hole.

Giphy Images.

Take a report.

-Large