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Columbus News Crew Savagely Takes Down Calgary Newsman Who Is Very Salty About Johnny Gaudreau Signing With The Blue Jackets

It's one thing when obnoxious fans of a team cry like infants because a player opts to excerise rights that he earned after giving his heart and soul to them for a decade. They're fans, after all. That's what fans do---they bellyache when unrestricted free agents like Johnny Gaudreau decide to work in a new city.

But when media members wail and stomp their feet because a fellow adult opts to work in a new location, well that's a special kind of entertainment. And some in the Calgary/Canadian media have been doing a bang-up job of playing the jilted lover even though, you know, there's no cheering in the press box. To wit...

"I think you owe the city a little bit more than that...(Gaudreau) stabbed them in the back."

Haha Jesus bro. What a dopey and arrogant statement to make.

Johnny Gaudreau was drafted by Calgary in 2011 (104th overall...sick job, NHL front offices). He played in Cowtown for nine NHL seasons. He was, by all accounts, a model citizen and employee during his time there. Oh and he also put up 210 goals and 399 assists, tallying 609 points in 602 regular season games as well as 11-22--33 in 42 playoff games. 

Johnny Ham & Cheese gave everything to Calgary for nine years. Then he chose to work elsewhere after fulfilling his contractual agreements with the Flames. He owes the city or the team nothing further. But that was hardly it. These are from longtime NHL writer Eric Duhatschek in The Athletic...

The fact that it took Gaudreau so long to choose effectively sabotaged the Flames’ off-season because it closed so many possible Plan B options to the organization.

Closer to home, but not close — because if close to home was the absolute priority, then he could have picked the New Jersey Devils, who also tabled an offer. Columbus is more easily reached by private jet than Calgary, but it’s not as if he’ll be dropping into his mom’s house for dinner after a game or a practice — or getting emergency babysitting service if they need someone right this minute to help out on the home front.

L-O-fucking-L. Gaudreau "effectively sabotaged the Flames' off-season" because he…let them know well before free agency opened that he would not be returning. As if Calgary had a real chance to land Kevin Fiala or Alex DeBrincat with their 2022 draft picks: 59th overall, 155th overall (5th round), and 219th pick (the seventh-to-last pick of the draft).

Then there's the closer/close word semantics. "He's closer but he's not close." DERPY DERP DERP. Bruh, he's 1.5 hours away via plane. Not to mention the four roadies to Newark/Philly. And I'm pretty sure that a pro athlete making just shy of ten million United States dollars (USD), not to mention having a wealth of resources available in his smartphone, can snag "emergency babysitting service…right this minute". It also ignores the fact that the mothers of many players and/or their wives actually come and stay with the new mom to help out specifically because dad is on the road playing hockey.

But here's the pièce de résistance that really caught the attention of Gaudreau's new city of employment…

"Way less money." Haha, c'mon guy. You work in Canada. You know how bad the taxes run train on your pay stub. But I get it. Hell hath no fury like Canadian media (allegedly) scorned. 

Well, FOX 28 in Columbus decided to collect those salty canuck tears and whip up a hearty pot of troll stew and results were oh so delicious.

Just a masterclass on display here. The set-up. The fake check. The virtual confetti. Was good shit. At least until that one dude said "unlike where you're working now, we're paying for this, not taxpayers, so it's guaranteed". Bud, what's this "we" shit? In this hypothetical, you ain't paying for shit---your employer is. 

Not to mention that checks ultimately bankrolled by Canadian or American taxpayers are probably the most reliable out there no matter which dispshit is running each country (when's the last time your tax return check bounced?). That was a little weird but otherwise, well done.

Hey Calgary media…

Random trivia: the two franchises Gaudreau has signed contracts with are the two NHL franchises with Civil War-inspired nicknames.

Giphy Images.