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Turns Out The Best Free Agent From The Calgary Flames Is Still Available For Any NHL Team To Grab

Gerry Thomas. Getty Images.

Good news for any NHL GM who woke up this morning feeling like they just got karate chopped in the dick for missing out on the Johnny Hockey Sweepstakes. You might have missed out on Gaudreau, but there's another free agent still lurking out there who last played in the NHL for the Flames. And chances are you can get him for a heckuva lot cheaper than the $9.8M AAV ticket Ham & Cheese signed.

A 50-year-old Jaromir Jagr is still very much available for anybody to sign. And from the looks of it, I'd imagine you don't even need to give him any money. Well…I'm sure that legally you have to give him some amount of money since it's typically frowned upon to make people work for free. But all he's really asking for in return is a defenseman for the Rytíři Kladno of the Czech Liga, the team Jagr owns. 

And boy oh boy do I have the perfect team to make that sort of deal with him. Would you care to guess which team in the NHL has the largest abundance of mediocre defenseman who should probably be playing in Europe right now? 

Gregory Shamus. Getty Images.

That's right!  The Flyers roster is filled with dogshit defenseman who could probably slot into the 2nd pairing on a Czech league team right now. Jagr can choose whoever he wants. Hell, you can take as many as you want. If the Flyers somehow went out and signed a 50-year-old Jaromir Jagr right this very moment, all would be forgiven for how hard they bundled the Gaudreau situation. I don't care about wins and losses at this point. Honestly I prefer the losses. But really all I want is a team that is at least interesting to watch. Give me old ass Jaromir Jagr. Not Nic Deslauriers and Justin Braun. 

@JordieBarstool