Father's Day Collection | T-Shirts, Hats, Polos, Crewnecks, Q-Zips and MoreSHOP NOW


Sunday Sentences

Giphy Images.

I forgot to do Sunday Sentences last week. I could have done them easily, but I didn't. I had plenty of time, just forgot. I will probably forget to do it again. I just have such a difficult job.

I realized after I posted the first Sunday Sentences that these are just Tommy's Thursday Thoughts in sentence form. But Tommy's thoughts were cancelled so I think I'm in the clear.

Flatbush is a funny name for a neighborhood. Every time I hear it I imagine someone taking a straightener to their pubes.

I have a burner Twitter account that I haven't used it in a while. My friend also has a burner account, and together we used to harass this one Carolina Panthers fan named Nick The Slick. I just tried to find Nick The Slick's account, but it looks like he's been suspended. I'll send $5 to the first person who finds my burner. It's not well hidden. 


People always say that they feel shame after masturbating. I never have. I don't feel good or bad. I just feel the same as I did before except less horny.

Last summer my front left turn signal went out. I have a Jeep Patriot, and in order to change the turn signal you basically have to take off the entire front bumper. It's extremely inconvenient. I never got it fixed. I just drove around and avoided left turns as much as possible. Thank god I'm selling the car, so it will be someone else's problem soon.

An alert that says "Antivirus, your computer is at risk" pops up on my laptop screen every few hours. I have never addressed it. I probably never will. Barstool is likely at risk. 

There was an open bar tab at the Barstool Mini Golf Tournament last week. Nobody was drinking at first so I was afraid to order anything. But after the first round I snuck up to the bar and ordered a double Jack and Coke. I was hoping people would just assume it was a regular Coke. I think I fooled them. 

The guy who I'm renting my Airbnb from is a cool Chinese guy named Jimmy. I can tell he's cool because there are Supreme stickers all over the apartment. My room still has no AC. Jimmy says he's going to install one soon, but I'll believe it when I see it. 

I don't know how people live without AC. I can't even relax in my own room until after 10pm when it has cooled down a bit. I've just been bouncing around to random cafes in the city to use their Wi-Fi. I've been ordering lots of fancy juices. I'm on a hunt for the best juice in New York. Maybe I should review them. Barstool desperately needs more reviews. If anyone knows of an exceptionally good juice place I would love to hear about it. 

I went to Djai's at the Jersey Shore this weekend. I loved it. It was exactly what I expected. I met Fun Anthony. He was even more fun than I expected. 

My least favorite thing about New York City is that if I go anywhere after work I have to be responsible for my backpack. Especially at bars. I keep leaving my backpack at bars. As soon as I have a couple drinks it is as good as gone. 

I forgot how much I enjoy going to bars by myself in big cities. It's embarrassing when you're somewhere where you might run into people you know, but I don't know anyone here so it's great.

I can't believe they just let anyone rent a U-Haul. Any person can just walk into the U-Haul store, swipe a credit card, and they'll hand over the keys to a 20 foot box truck. I'm about to do this in a couple of weeks. It will be a miracle if I survive.

My dog has no idea he's about to move to New York and never see grass again. He's going to be so pissed. I'm sorry, Dock.

I can't wait to start betting giant college football favorites. Alabama money line is going to make me rich. 

I'm less satisfied with my sentences this week. Blog wheel coming soon. Probably on Tuesday.