Is Squirting Real? Barstool Investigates

Chaps already blogged about this Tweet, but 1. I didn't see he was working on the same topic as I was and I am a notorious double blogger anyways and 2. I'm in a major brain block/blog drought and need this so I'm gonna charge ahead and 3. they brought this Tweet up on the Yak today which led me to wonder:

Well is it????? I have the parts and I don't even know. 

(Warning: If you think I'm gross don't read any further.)

The closest I think I ever got to squirting was when I tried m*st*rb*t*ng (masturbating) after I first started on Zoloft, and I was getting soooooo damn close but couldn't c*m (cum) & I didn't know it was the Zoloft yet (only nerds research the medicines they take, amiright, guys?? eh??), so I was like,

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because until then I never had a problem. So I kept kicking it up a notch foolishly thinking I'd be able to get there. By the end I was basically Eddie Van Halen playing Eruption at 50x speed.

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My brain had alert sirens going off warning me that my organs were about to shut down in order to send all my body's energy to my right hand & cltr*is (clitoris). That meant my bladder was no longer able to hold back & I felt like all of this had to be building up to something crazy and I just knew that one more stroke of that dusty 'ol Gibson (clitoris) was going to send an Old Faithful geyser of piss blasting across the room.

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But….

nope…. 

Nothing. 

I was SHOCKED.

Defeated, frustrated, and extremely sweaty, I finally gave up. My crotch felt like Antonio Margarito after that 2010 fight with Manny Pacquiao. 

Nick Laham. Getty Images.

A lone tumble-weed blew quietly across my lap. I sat in frustrated silence wondering what was wrong with me. 

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Anti-depressants, man.. ha ha Feel like we really don't talk about that not-being-able-to-get-off part enough ha ha Sheesh! ha ha whewww anyways ha ha where were we? Ah, squirting! Is it real?

According to PubMed.gov AKA The National Library of Medicine:

Conclusions: The present data based on ultrasonographic bladder monitoring and biochemical analyses indicate that squirting is essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual activity, although a marginal contribution of prostatic secretions to the emitted fluid often exists.

So going off this one random study from 5 years ago that I found online that I barely looked into (big J journo), it sounds like some people out there do piss really hard involuntarily when they get off, and mixed in with that piss is a little bit of a certain sexual Je ne sais quoi. If I were a betting lady though, when it comes to porn at least, I'd say 99% of the time they're faking the O & just blowing out their urethras for some on-camera razzle-dazzle. Then again, maybe I should just take them at their word:

Circling back around to Radio Shack - it sounds like they're willing to help anyone squirt these days, especially since it appears their account went rogue in mid June… 

According to Fortune:

The RadioShack most children of the ’80s remember is long gone, of course. The retailer filed for bankruptcy in 2015, then again in 2017. Its brick-and-mortar stores shut down long ago, but the well-known name was bought by entrepreneur investors Alex Mehr and Tai Lopez. Two months ago, the pair relaunched the brand online as a cryptocurrency swap, to supplement the tech offerings and branded retro apparel the company was previously selling.

So, if I'm understanding this all correctly, these guys Mehr & Lopez bought the entire brand & are just goofin' with it. And the Coffeezilla part is their way of trolling a guy who called them scammers:

The Radio Shack link on their Twitter bio still takes you to the original website, except now they only sell apparel & batteries, for uh, whatever you need them for. Is Radio Shack even real anymore? Was squirting ever really real at all? We may never know.