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Marine General and Former SecDef James Mattis Got Married With An Elvis Impersonator As The Officiant

Man oh man. Secretary Mattis finally gets married and Elvis performed the ceremony. Mattis being single was the stuff of legends in the Marine Corps world. There was story after story about Mattis devoting his entire life to the Marines and basically being a warrior monk.

After serving for 40+ years, he was still single as a loosey. Marines knew he was single because he took steps that other high ranking officers simply wouldn’t. I heard stories about how when he was the commanding general of a unit on Quantico, he took over a major’s staff duty on Christmas. The Major was married and had a family waiting at home. Mattis walked in the building, relieved the Major, and told him to go home to his family. That’s a big way to make junior marines like you. Mattis was great at shit like that.

His apartment was said to be filled with books, a singular chair in his living room with a reading light, and a decent collection of whiskey. He needed his books, his whiskey, and his Marines. For 65+ plus years, that’s all he was.

Now he has a wife. Good for him. Mad Dog is married and not throwing around phrases like “im pleading with you with tears in my eyes, if you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all.” Wives, in my experience, don’t nut about phrase like that. I do. They don’t. Sad. Anyway, get some, Mad Dog.

(Im choosing to omit his time as secretary of defense because that was a disaster)