Ahhhhh Field Day. A Top 3 day of every child's school year if not the best day since most kids are freezing their asses off the day before Christmas break and there can be a hint of sadness leaving your class behind on the last day of school.
However Field Day almost always hits perfect. Running around outside in the sun all day, hammering down a burger or dog off the BBQ, and getting that end of the school year vibes while enjoying the last few days of school all while rocking a brand new Field Day shirt fresh off printing press.
That is unless your mom participates in a race for parents, trips over her own two feet, and gives everyone in your class a glimpse of her thong along with wear you came from.
This is an absolute nightmare for every parent that goes to their kid's school for a special day. All you want to do is seem cool or at the very least not seem like an unathletic mamaluke that can't run in a straight line then flash your ass to a bunch of children for good measure that causes reactions like this:
The teacher, horrified.
The children, in shock.
And the future Barstool smut blogger in the ilk of Jerry Thornton or White Sox Dave, celebrating becoming a man.
All in all a goddamn meat grinder of embarrassment for a mom that didn't even want to run the race until her daughter made her.
The lesson in all this: Listen to your parents, kids. Unless you want to have your friends/enemies talking about if not fantasizing about the time your mom mooned the whole school.
Actually no kid participating in an elementary school Field Day should be reading Barstool and if they are, they have much bigger problems than their mom potentially flashing her ass to an entire class.
But if you are one of those lost parents, improve your Parenting Rating by watching this week's Podfathers where we discuss a crooked Girl Scout pocketing cookie money, how to teach your kid to curse correctly, and a recap of the gifts our kids got us for Father's Day.