LeBron James Touched The Cup And Now The Pittsburgh Penguins Are Doomed For Eternity

Superstition says that you're not supposed to touch the Stanley Cup until you've won it yourself. It's a perfection fine superstition to uphold if you're a kid who still has dreams of one day making it to the NHL. It's pretty absurd to still believe in the superstition if you're some washed up 30-year-old who can hardly even win your C Division Beer League championship. If you're playing hockey at 10:45pm on a Wednesday night against a bunch of divorced guys, go ahead and touch the Cup any chance you get because you're never actually going to win it. 

Now maybe you just have the upmost respect for the Stanley Cup and how difficult it is to win the thing, so you feel unworthy of touching it yourself. That's fine. But other than that, it's a pretty absurd superstition to believe in as an ordinary fan. The issue here is...

Well LeBron James isn't an ordinary fan. He's the furthest thing from it, actually. He's now a part owner of the Pittsburgh Penguins ever since Fenway Sports Group bought the franchise back in December. And sure, the Pittsburgh Penguins have had tremendous success over the past 30 years. They've won the Cup 5 times in that stretch. '91, '92, '09, '16 and '17. But they sure as shit haven't won the Stanley Cup since LeBron James & Co. took over. And now it appears that they never will since LeBron just shit all over hockey tradition. The Hockey Gods are real and they are spiteful. Penguins might be cursed forever at this point.