Nobody Used To Make Better Commercials Than ESPN. These Are The Best Of The Bunch

Happy Monday, here is your Dogwalk Snake Draft of ESPN. 

"I wonder how Portnoy feels about an ESPN draft"--commenter69

I think this draft shows the state of ESPN perfectly since it turned into a nostalgia draft pretty quick. If you grew up largely pre-internet there was nothing better than ESPN. The shows were great. You marked the time by what was on. Sportscenter with your cereal. PTI when you got off the bus. Baseball Tonight when you were going to bed. It was the absolute KING of the 90s and 2000s. Now...it is really just a place for live sports. At least that is what it is for me. Barstool for commentary/entertainment. ESPN to watch the games. 

One of the little special things about ESPN back in it's glory years was the commercials. There were so many great ones and it was a category for the draft. On the show I promised to blog commercials so people who found our show, but aren't old enough for ESPN commercials in real time. This is that blog. Promise fulfilled. I am also adding two bonus ones so you get more than simply what was drafted. #integrity

To me this is almost a perfect commercial to parody the times. There was some genuine panic about going into the year 2000 because every commuter software in the world was apparently only counting the years in two digits. Or something like that. Banking, nuclear weapons, power grids, etc wouldn't be able to update to the year 2000 so people were worried. At least that is how I remembered it. Then...literally NOTHING happened and there were a bunch of people who built shelters and bought years supplies of canned goods. They were prepared for the next doomsday event though...Mayan Calendar ending of the world in 2012 also nothing happened. 

Probably the most relatable commercial of them all. Two knucklehead brothers just dicking around in the halls because their parents are making them take some dumbass boring tour. We've all been there. Wet willies in church. Wheelchair races in the nursing home. The Manning Brothers…they're just like us

Simple. Funny. A delicious mixed drink. 

John Anderson seemed to be in a many of these. These commercials also hit on so many pop culture icons perfectly. Steve Irwin was a legend and this commercial chef's kiss

This should receive an Oscar. Maybe it's own 30for30 short. This played on an internet 1.0 rumor about John Clayton having a ponytail. To this day I don't know if he did or didn't. RIP to one of the best

If you think we missed some, here is a run down of 20