Barstool vs. America presented by High Noon - Season 2 | Episode 4WATCH NOW

Lighten the Fuck Up! Sophia Remained a Virgin Up Until She & Her Husband Took Their Wedding Vows

Giphy Images.

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vows… 

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother assured her young daughter, "Don't worry so much Sophia, Federico's a good man. Go upstairs, he'll take a good care of you…" 

When she got upstairs, Federico had already taken off his shirt and his hairy chest was in full view. Sophia ran back downstairs to her mother and cried out, "Mama, Mama, Federico's got a big hairy chest!" 

"Don't worry so much, Sophia", she assured her young daughter. "All good men have hairy chests. Federico's a good man. Go upstairs, he'll take a good care of you…" 

When she got upstairs, Federico had already taken off his pants and his hairy legs were in full view. Again, Sophia ran downstairs to her mother and cried out, "Mama, Mama, Federico took off his pants and he's got big hairy legs!"

"Don't worry so much, Sophia", she assured her young daughter. "All good men have hairy legs. Federico's a good man. Go upstairs, he'll take a good care of you…" 

When she got upstairs, Federico had already taken off his socks, and much to her surprise he was missing three toes on his left foot. When Sophia saw this, she ran downstairs and cried out, "Mama, Mama, Federico's got a foot and a half!" 

"Stay here and stir the pasta sauce, Sophia, this is a job for Mama…"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968 (and riding motorcycles since 1972)                                                                            

Celebrate the One-Year Anniversary of "Lighten the Fuck Up!" by purchasing an LTFU stretch-fit cap or short-sleeve tee and send a message to the world… (This is LTFU joke #94)