GREAT NEWS: The New iMessage Will Allow You To Unsend Drunk Texts You Send To Ex-Girlfriends

Engadget - Apple will soon allow you to take back messages you didn't really want to send. The upgraded Messages app in iOS 16 is getting a new "undo send" feature, as well as the ability to edit chats you've already sent and mark threads as unread. 

The new message-recalling and editing features will only apply to "recently sent" chats, with a 15-minute window for making changes. Apple will also allow users to recover deleted messages for a period of up to 30 days. 

There's good news, there's great news, and then there is whatever is 100 levels about that. That's where I slot this. An undo feature for texts is literally the greatest technological achievement of the last 500 years. First they created fire. Then they invented the lightbulb. And now we have the ability to send and take back a text when we realize in a moment of clarity at 2am in the bar bathroom that we in fact should NOT be sending that text to a girl who broke up with us 3 years ago. 

They often say Apple only cares about their bottom line. That they don't care about human rights. Well, "they" are clearly wrong. Sure children are hammering away on iPhone after iPhone for 12 cents an hour, pissing their pants and sleeping in conditions that would make the crackhead around the corner blush, but then they do this and completely redeem themselves. This feature will change society as we know it, forever.

On the other hand though, I feel like the new generation has too much handed to them. They have grown up with everything they have ever needed in the palm of their hand. We had to watch porn scrambled on the Spice Channel, praying to see half a nipple. They just go to Asa Akira's Twitter account. We had to wait 12 hours for a song to download on Limewire on a dial-up network, they just pull up Spotify. And we had to deal with the consequences of sending a very risky 2am text to an old flame, they will be able to take it back. 

But when you think about it, those trials and tribulations shaped who we are today. We don't take porn (or anything else) for granted. We had to scratch and claw for everything. And those risky texts- well sometimes they pay off too! It's the thrill of "I know this is a bad idea, but going to do it anyway" that cannot be replicated. The worst though is waking up and being like "oh no...oh god no...*scrolls more*...OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!" which kill you. 

So you're welcome, current generation. We died so you can delete texts. You're kind of a pussy if you use the feature, but it's a nice safety net regardless. Kind of like the safety nets that catch the small children who try to kill themselves because their tiny little fingers hurt from making your iPhone. Back to work, you peasant!