Stavros Halkias Makes His Sports Predictions Based Off Which Coaches Perform Better In Bed

On today's Pardon My Take... STAVROS HALKIAS! The comedian joined Mr. Cat and Mr. Commenter on today's show to discuss his new comedy special that comes out this Sunday, Cumtown, being a Baltimore Ravens fan, and much more. The interview took a bunch of wild turns, including one where Stavros described a unique way for how he can sometimes makes sports predictions: by figuring out which coach would be better... in bed? You read that right. I'll let the guys take it away from here...

Stavros Halkias: A big thing I like to do is like, "Which coach fucks better?" and they will probably win the series. And that's what really breaks my heart, you look at the Celtics, Ime Udoka lays pipe better than any of these motherfuckers. 

Mr. Cat: Spoelstra feels like he could...

Mr. Commenter: I think he goes down for like hours at a time.

Stavros Halkias: Spoelstra knows how to eat pussy, but he's not the whole package. Udoka, I think, can eat pussy and give you a pounding. And Steve Kerr? Forget it. Bad back. 

Mr. Cat: Yeah, he's just laying there, missionary.

Stavros Halkias: Yeah, pillow princess.

Mr. Commenter: He's going down on you, he's got the mask on, like a KN95.

Stavros Halkias: Yeah, he's still making you mask up. 

Mr. Cat: This whole theory, though. You would think that the Jazz would have had better playoff success, because Quin Snyder definitely does some weird ass shit. 

Stavros Halkias: Here's the thing about Quin, too much cocaine, dick doesn't work, that's my theory on Quin.

Mr. Commenter: Nailed it.

Stavros Halkias: If you hit him back in the Mizzou days, when he was fucking his players girlfriends, that's when he needed to be in the NBA. But the vitality is gone, his dick barely works.

(Later in the interview, some commentary on Stavros' thoughts on NFL coaches)

Mr. Commenter: Does the theory about coaches being good at fucking, does that hold over to the NFL? 

Stavros Halkias: Oooh, that's very interesting. I haven't given it as much thought, bit we can do it on the fly here. 

Mr. Commenter: Because if you across the league, there are maybe a handful of guys that would be competent.

Mr. Cat: McVay winning a Super Bowl this year would maybe help you out, because he definitely…

Stavros Halkias: You know what I say? He seems like a little too much show, not enough go when it comes to fucking. 

(A few minutes later)

Mr. Commenter: Jim Harbuagh just gets a boner like once a month, he's like, "It's time. Just had a big win last night, I only have winning babies. I don't fuck after losses." 

Stavros Halkias: You don't want that juju on your nut.

Mr. Commenter: I think Belichick gets it done, he knows all the tricks, is the thing.

Stavros Halkias: Exactly. He's a guy who studied like the… he's watched those videos where they teach you how to make a woman squirt over and over. Bill's jut like, "assume the position." And his wife gets on all fours, he's got like a special fuck pillow, that's just like "la la la la la."

Alrighty then. Those are some words and phrases that I certainly never expected to transcribe. But that's what you get when the one and only Stavros Halkias has a microphone in front of him. I'll be honest, I had no clue who Stavros was before this, but I left the interview laughing harder than I have at 99% of PMT interviews. Just a hilarious person. Be sure to check out his special - Live At The Lodge Room, which premieres June 5th, 8pm ET on YouTube.