The Numbers Tell the Story of Boston's Mind-Boggling Success in the 21st Century

Ime Udoka is, of course, correct when he says, "We do not hang banners for Eastern Conference championships in this organization." Even with the NBA making more of an effort to brand the conference title the way the NFL does and MLB has always done with pennants, in this town, we don't take a shine to folks who hang runner-up banners. That's for them Indianapolis people. We're a different breed. Around here, if you ain't first, you're last. 

So by no means should any of what I'm about to say be taken as being satisfied with an Eastern Conference trophy. Not even with a rookie coach. Not even beating, in order: a Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant-led team, the defending World Champions led by the MVP, and the 1-seed. Not even when last year at this time, I was posting a gigantic L:

... that I now take, with pleasure. 

All that said, it's worth pausing a moment between now and tip off of the Finals on Thursday to step back, gaze in wide wonder upon the glorious edifice of success that has been built by the four Boston/New England pro teams since 2001, and marvel that such a thing could be willed into existence by mortal man. 

I have long called this the Masshole Century. (And should it continue beyond December 31, 2100, "Masshole Millennium" will be very much in play.) And I feel I can use this term without hubris since, in 2015, the Oxford English Dictionary added it:

Masshole, n.

A term of contempt for: a native or inhabitant of the state of Massachusetts.

Language: U.S. coarse slang.

Etymology: Blend of the name of the U.S. state of Massachusetts and asshole

The effect of the Masshole Century upon the American landscape has been profound. For 80 or so years, it had been established in Hollywood that if you wanted to contend for an Oscar, you took the role of a historical figure, someone with handicaps, or a substance abuse problem. But every since Goodwill Hunting, Massholes have dominated Awards Season. It took Martin Scorcese making The Departed for one of the most acclaimed directors in cinema history to finally get off the schneid, and it might not even be one of his 10 best movies. (Though listening to Martin Sheen pronounce "microprocessors" with a horrible Boston accent is funnier than anything in King of Comedy.) On TV, you can't get a reality show off the ground without at least one diabolically conniving Masshole in a Red Sox hat. It's mandatory. 

But I digress. The utter domination of the pro sports world is why we're gathered here together on this blog post today. This is one of those times when were sentences and paragraphs cannot capture the grandeur of what we're witness to. I'm not a good enough wordsmith to paint such a picture. For that, only numbers can properly put the Masshole Century into perspective. 

Let us begin with New England teams making it to their respective league finals. (I say "respective" to make it clear we're not talking about teams making it to the final round in some other league, in case it would be confusing without the word. As much as we'd all love to see, for example, the Bruins in the World Series, that's a post for a different time.) In the 2000s, America has barely been able to sit its great national ass down on its collective sofa to watch a championship game/series without a Boston team being involved:

That account goes on to point out that there are 44 teams among the 124 pro teams that haven't made any finals in that time. That's 35.4% of all franchises in the NBA, MLB, NFL and NHL. 

Yet as you can see in graphic form from "Do Your Pod" guest Alex Barth, there have only been eight years where a Boston team wasn't playing for the championship. And if you expand it to the conference finals round, there have only been two years without Massholes there for everybody to have "contempt" for:

I'm still not sure how we managed to survive those barren drought years of 2005 and 2009. But they did give our old folks stories to tell the young'uns about. Plus they were mitigated by the fact that there were multiple Boston teams in the final four nine times, with three teams in both 2013 (one championship) and 2018 (two). As well as five years with two teams playing for their league title. And two of those years had multiple championships, with the Sox and Patriots winning in 2004 and 2018. 

In another Tweet, Alex makes an astonishing point about the Celtics ending our current drought. And that is, the Red Sox are currently the furthest removed from their last appearance in the finals. That would be October of 2018, when they won their fourth World Series in 14 years. Since then, every other local team has made it once. 

For the record, their combined records in 31 total conference finals in the Masshole Century is now 19-12. Individually they would be:

--Patriots: 9-4

--Red Sox: 4-3

--Bruins: 3-0

--Celtics: Now 3-5

In 18 times playing for the championship, those teams are 12-6. Soon to be 13-6. Because despite dire warnings to the contrary, this run of greatness is not going to end any time soon. Kiss the rings.