BREAKING: My Brain After Oreo And Ritz Announced They Are Coming Out With A Cookie + Cracker Sandwich
INSTANT REACTION THIS TIME WITH A WIG ON:
I'm sorry guys, I may be called The Many Snacks God by my constituents around these parts but I'm going to need a minute for my brain to process this news because I didn't even know a snack like this was possible by the laws of man or physics, let alone about to be released for public consumption.
Please click play:
Okay my idiot brain is still failing to comprehend this teaming of titanic proportions not seen since The Undertaker and The Rock tag teamed together once upon a time. The Undertaker is clearly Oreo that has gone through a billion different incredible iterations over the years while The Rock is the ritzy yet salty motherfucker you love to love, which on paper should end in glory for both sides.
But I still don't understand how this is all going to work. Salty and sweet clearly is clearly the hottest combo running the snack game these days. Yet like my guy Robbie Fox was saying to me, how are we going to pair the flaky Ritz cracker with the solid Oreo chocolate cookie, let alone fuse Oreo Stuf with whatever peanut butter Ritz is bringing to the table (Smooth Skippy is the only acceptable choice in the Casa de Clem for what it's worth). With a monster pairing like this, there are always more questions than answers. But if the good people at Mondelēz International (who lowkey have a stranglehold on snacks these days) want to answer these questions about a snack their scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should, I would welcome them to do so using the DNA strang from Jurassic Park who explained cloning dinosaurs so well that even my 12 year old brain could understand with his sassy Southern twang.
They can also send me a package of these delightful treats so KFC and I can snack the heck off to them even though I know my dumb ass will be smashing refresh on my browser until 11:59:59 AM on 5/26.
I am also going to thank God this announcement came today instead of a few weeks ago because this would've broken The Dog Walk Salty Snacks draft considering had already White Sox Dave drafted Ritz with peanut butter the pick after Chief chose Ritz, which caused Eddie to leave the room in disgust.