Max Scherzer Has An Oblique Injury Because The Baseball Gods Are Fuckface Weasels (UPDATE: Scherzer Is Expected To Miss 6-8 Weeks)

If noted Mets beat writer Jon Heyman says that Max Scherzer has an oblique injury, you know it's true. I am upset that the Baseball Gods have already robbed us of a Jacob deGrom + Max Schzerzer tag team, but I am not going to worry about the timeframe of when Max may come back until more information comes out because Jon knows the way he worded that tweet is the perfect way to go extra viral for all the bitch boy negative Mets fans of the world (you know who they are) or they chumps that will say LOLMets as if the Wilpons still owned the team.

Instead, I am going to focus on the positive that this isn't an injury to Scherzer's pitching arm and that if anybody was made to fight through something like this, it is the maniacal savage that was battling through blisters that would've probably put Rich Hill on life support.

So now it's next man up, whether that's David Peterson, Trevor Williams, or whoever the hell is left in the system after Brodie emptied the cupboard in trades for middling players. We all panicked when Jake went down and all that's happened since then is that Jeremy Hefner has proven he is a goddamn stud of a pitching coach as the Mets are fourth in Runs Allowed without the best pitcher on the planet taking the bump. Besides, how can you really freak out when you know a guy like this is skippering your team?

All that being said, I will admit that I am now not the least bit upset about snow being in the forecast for the Mets trip to Colorado this weekend. I want C Bass to kick ass today then I want Denver to look like a little place called Asssssssspen on Christmas Day until Monday when they travel to San Francisco. Gotta believe.

P.S. I will not even entertain the notion that the A Japanese ambassador missing his chance for a first pitch because he arrived COMICALLY late to the stadium caused Scherzer to get injured while also admitting the optics are not great. 

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In fact, if Scherzer is down for multiple months, I will declare war on the country of Japan for their atrocities against my baseball team because of the tardiness of one of their ambassadors.

UPDATE: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

To make matters ever worse, I got the news from Gary, Keith, and Ron. I don't want to hear shit like that from those magical voices. Save the bad news being broken on the cesspool that is Twitter.