Instant Reactions To The Entire Giants 2022 Schedule Unveiled By Two-Time Super Bowl MVP Elisha Nelson Manning
God I love this fucking day. I know that people think that getting excited about the NFL schedule release is silly. But I think you can make a case that allowing a bunch of strangers playing a game decide your happiness for the fall and winter is even sillier, yet every NFL fan worth their salt does that not to mention just lived and died with which names were read off an index card in Vegas during the draft. Being able to act like this once a year is what being a fan is all about.
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Plus based on this story, there is PLENTY of interest in the schedule release.
Anyway, here are my quick thoughts on the Giants schedule fresh off the presses.
- If you want to flip the juju from half a decade of sucktitude, bringing in the QB that took you to your last two Super Bowl titles is the perfect way to do it. I didn't think it was possible, but I think I'm falling more in love with Eli as he gets older even though he's not playing football for the G-Men but potentially about to become an Oscar winning actor.
- It goes without saying, but that is a weak set of opponents on paper, which we knew months ago since opponents for the next season are set in stone after the previous regular season is over. The Titans and Seahawks games look a lot different now than they did in January and I am not complaining one bit about it. I am going to hate facing AJ Brown twice a year for at least the next few years as long as he is healthy. But facing him AND this monster right out of the gate in Week 1 would've suuuuuucked.
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- A year ago I would've called Week 2 vs. Matt Rhule and the Panthers a Must Win. But the Giants already beat them last season and to be honest, I can't blame him taking David Tepper's Fuck You Money instead of the Mara's money after the way the Joe Judge Era ended.
- I don't care if it's a product of sucking the last five seasons. The Giants only being scheduled for one prime time game is so beautiful, this old man could cry. Having your team on a standalone stage for every other fanbase to roast following you going to bed later than you wanted because you are jacked up on adrenaline is the worst. Actually losing the game and trying to go to work the next day exhausted and sad is much worse.
- On the bright side, that one prime time game is on Monday Night Football against Dallas, which means it'll just be a three hour roast of the Cowboys by this guy as he relives his best moments against them.
I love that man so much.
- There aren't many things I ask the Football Gods for, even though they seem to ignore everything I ask. But please don't let Justin Fields murder the Giants after they traded the pick of him to the Bears. Kadarius Toney could be a monster and Evan Neal could bookend the line for a decade as a Pro Bowl Right Tackle. But people will continue to harp on trading Fields if he became a Giants killer since they are STILL talking about the Saquon pick all these years later.
- I have and will always fear the Ravens, partly because they are almost always good, partly because their uniforms are scary, partly because Lamar Jackson is a cheat code. Playing them at home is nice and I can convince myself that Wink Martindale is going to want to unleash hell on them for the way things ended in Baltimore. But I'm still gonna be a scared little bitch at 1 PM ET.
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Actually you know what? I'm not as scared anymore now that this guy has our back.
- I personally love early London games since it's a much better way to burn off the anxiety of getting together my fantasy lineups and bets instead of doing something productive like cooking food or running errands. Facing the Packers on the slippery soccer grass of London is much better than facing them on the Frozen Tundra. Espeically since Aaron Rodgers may not have picked out his next Davante Adams/Jordie Nelson/Greg Jennings receiver that he absolutely peppers with targets.
- Could Jaguars vs. Giants on October 23rd be the game that destroys the Podfathers?
Oh yeah, that's right. :(
- If the Giants can start out even 3-4, which I understand is a big ask given recent history, I will start dreaming big dreams before they face three potential last place teams with Drew Lock, Davis Mills, and Jared Goff as their QB1s with a bye week sandwiched in between.
- Somewhere I know Tom Coughlin is smiling that the bye week is Week 9. Nothing pissed off General Coughlin more than an early bye week. Well I guess tardiness did. And uniform violations. And penalties. And pretty much everything that wasn't the way he wanted it.
But he hated early bye weeks and so do I. Week 9 is absolutely perfect like San Diego weather.
- I'm not even going to pretend I like the Thanksgiving game just because I remember playing Washington on Thanksgiving a few years ago and was so nervous I only ate three giant plates of food for dinner and two small plates of dessert. The thought of my team potentially ruining Jerry Jones' Thanksgiving is the only positive I see to this.
- Four NFC East games in a row starting on Thanksgiving is ridiculous, as is 5 of 6 coming after Turkey Day. But the longer I can avoid seeing Boston Scott lining up against the Giants, the better. There is also a chance Carson Wentz loses the locker room in Washington the way he lost it in Indy by December. And I'll be able to talk myself into winning the NFC East as long as possible with all these division games hanging out there.
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Oh shut up Red. We get to be positive, at least until we start reading mock drafts in mid October!
- I feel better about playing the Colts and Vikings later in the season since they are two of the better non-divisional teams on our schedule but will be more banged up in December than they would in September and Matty Ice is going to freeze his pretty little face off in MetLife on New Years Eve (pay no attention to him going to school at Boston College or growing up in Pennsylvania).
- Despite everything I just wrote, the entire schedule is going to look completely different after Week 1 since there are a million human car crashes taking place any given Sunday along with all the other random shit of a typical NFL season. However, I'm still gonna be the knucklehead meatball fan that says if everything breaks right, I could see the Giants go 10-7 despite it being a building year under Brian Daboll. You know why? Because Daniel "Motherfucker" Jones is going to rebuild The Danwagon and lock up that franchise tag next year after doing work with Saquon, Golladay, Kadarius, Wan'Dale and an offensive coordinator that doesn't have shit for brains.
Oh yeah and I'm responsibly betting the Giants OVER 7 wins on the Barstool Sportsbook.