You Can Buy An Up-Close NFT Of Madonna's Vagina Or Just Let Me Describe It To You

No free ads, but Madonna is auctioning off three one-off NFTs and th... Wait! At least finish this blog before you go off to buy yours, geez!

For starters, I'll be honest, my idea of what NFTs are is limited. The guy version of my old high school friends selling Ponzi scheme anti-cellulite lotions on Facebook? Virtual POGs? Internet baseball cards? I wanted to be 'in the know' to better explain it for this blog, but that's just never going to happen.

So let's just get down into the crevices of what matters most. There's three NFTs with three Madonna avatars that look like 20-year-old hybrids of Alex Cooper x Kim K combined, and each of them has something nutty coming out of the vagina area and I feel sort of bad poking fun at it because it's for a charity fundraiser but having watched them I cannot stop.

Token 1: Mother of Technology

She's naked on a rock in the middle of a beautiful, sunny rainforest as a bunch of large, evil-looking robot centipedes slowly climb out of her vagina. Mistakenly, I was eating a slice of supreme pizza with all sorts of doo-dads on it when I clicked on this. I didn't need that.

Giphy Images.

Token 2: Mother of Evolution

Good heavens! As the video starts out she's once again nude in the crab-crawl position (theme alert), but this time the POV is that you're right in her crotch. Whoa. But you're like, "Oh, well there's a butterfly blocking all the up-close detail so this is tasteful," but then the Butterly moves & "WOWZERS, that's a lotta clam!!!". Your monocle flies off your face, you're stunned. She's on a steam punk bulldozer as buildings crumble around her; major apocalypse vibes… Which makes the enormous gaggle of butterflies cruising out of her vulva all the more starling. Picture a bubble machine, but the machine is a vagina & the bubbles are monarch b-flies. 

Giphy Images.

Token 3: Mother of Nature

Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be any more extremely detailed Madonna vagina, there is more extremely detailed Madonna vagina. A LOT MORE. With a whole tree growing out of it as she lays on a bare bones MRI machine, in fact. I've never watched tentacle porn, but it's sort of like that in reverse. Plus lots of bark. Can't be comfortable. And I'll say it, if that truly is a model of her own vagina… sooooo much better than mine. Damn. Sheesh. Find me a better set of flaps, you can't. 

In all three videos she's giving monologues that are too deep for my smooth lil brain, and part of me thinks that I simply don't understand art & it's all high-brow, over my head type stuff, but another part of me thinks it's just over-the-top ridiculous for the sake of getting media sites to report it so it gains more traction. Well no sir, not me. Not falling for that. You have my promise right here and now that I won't fall for that & sh… sonofa…..