Types of Hangovers
Projectile
There is nothing worse than waking up after a night out and immediately having to throw up. Sometimes this is a one and done experience, but other times this is an all day affair. The projectile hangover can hit at any hour of the day. One minute you’re fine going to get coffee with your friends, then the next thing you know you’re spewing chunks out the window all over the side of your friend's 2008 Nissan Maxima. It’s a lose-lose type of hangover. You eat something, you throw it up. You can’t get yourself to eat, you end up throwing up bile. It’s the number one worst type of hangover and I would only wish this feeling on my enemies.
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Slap Happy
Ideal hangover. You wake up and for some reason you’re still kinda buzzin’. Nothing even seems real with a slap happy hangover. Throughout the day you find yourself acting obnoxious and constantly laughing. The slap happy hangover typically evolves into day drinking to avoid being hungover at all. You’re usually the only one of your friends who is feeling this way, so more times than not you’ll have to keep the party going solo. Unfortunately, this feeling doesn’t last and by the end of the day you find yourself crashing.
Bathroom Bound
The shits. I know girls told boys in middle school that “girls don’t poop” but they were lying through their teeth. Everyone experiences the hangover shits once and a while. The bathroom bound hangover is consistent with stinky farts and fatty dumps. 0/10 don’t recommend.
Pounding Headache
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The pounding headache is simply annoying, because you can still function with this type of hangover but you will be miserable. But, unlike other hangovers this one CAN be maintained. Just crack open a bottle of Revitalyte and pour it down, you'll be alright.
Endless Eats
The hangover that must be fed. For whatever reason, you wake up with a barbaric hunger for food. This type of hangover alone justifies spending a little bit too much on a Barstool Bites order. You order every single item on the menu, no matter what the cost because you NEED it to fix you. Once it comes and you devour the entirety of it, immediate regret sinks in. Which is why people tend to start diets on Mondays.
Boot and Rally
“Bite the dog that bit you.” A saying used by alcoholics which basically means; start drinking before the hangover even gets the chance to sink in. This is less of a hangover type and more of a hangover tactic. You can’t get hungover if you just keep drinking, or as Kendrick Lamar says “Wake up. Drank.”