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All Hail This 40-Year-Old Champion of Partial Public Nudity Who Got Nantucket to Make All Beaches Topless

I can't for one second pretend that I am anywhere near the Nantucket person some people are. And of course by "some people," I'm thinking of Dave Portnoy who has made it one of his many homes. Full confession: I've been living in Eastern Massachusetts my entire life, and only set foot on that rock last year for the first time. I'm not kidding. Some of us are Islanders, some of us are Cape people. I'm the latter. Or more often, I stick with the South Shore, such as Nantasket Beach where the NFL settled the Lockout of 2011, more commonly referred to as Brockton-by-the-Sea. 

Anyhoo, just because my shadow has not often darkened the cobblestones of Nantucket does not mean I have no interest in the culture, the citizens and the visitors of the place. Since I truly believe that we are all God's children and connected by a common humanity, I think what happens there has an effect on us all. Anything that is good for one is good for the whole. A rising tide lifts all boats, as they say.

 And Dorothy Stover, the young lady in the above Instagram post, has had a profound influence in the future of that island paradise.

Daily Mail - Nantucket is a step closer to allowing women to go topless on the Massachusetts resort island's beaches.

The Gender Equality on Beaches bylaw amendment passed 327-242 at Tuesday night's annual town meeting. 

But the measure is not a done deal yet. It still requires approval from the state attorney general's office which may not happen until summer is over. 

The bylaw was proposed by seventh-generation Nantucket resident 40-year-old Dorothy Stover and reads in part: 'In order to promote equality for all persons, any person shall be allowed to be topless on any public or private beach' in town.  ...

Stover felt that the state law which only allows men to take off their tops in public 'was really antiquated.' 

'This past summer, I was at the beach and I wanted to lay out topless,' she recalled to the Cape Cod Times. 'And I thought, "why can't I do that?" Some men have bigger breasts than I do!'

Dorothy Stover, let me just say on behalf of freedom-loving people everywhere, it's not the size of the breasts that count. Yes, we can measure bust measurements and cup sizes. But we have yet to figure out a way to measure heart. If we could, yours would be bigger than Nantucket, Martha's Vineyard and the Cape combined. 

I get where she's coming from. Sometimes you're laying out on your towel, you toes in the water, ass in the sand, with an ice cold seltzer in your hand and Reggae on the bluetooth. And while it's great, it's just not enough until you've gone Sun's Out, Guns Out. Sometimes a woman just feels the urge for an act of protest. To demand the Release of the Nantucket Two. 

And soon, if the state's AG's office will do the right thing and sign off on this small, but noble and just act of Liberty, our teeming shores will welcome thousands of areola, yearning to breathe free. Dorothy Stover and many like her lift their headlamps beside the golden door. 

Summer for Massholes just got freer. And more orgasmic:

Nantucket, bend the knee to your new queen. Her victory this week is a victory for all of us. 

P.S. I couldn't end this without adding the caveat that I have no desire to visit one of these. Or nude beaches of any kind. I've been to a couple of resorts in the Caribbean that had, let's just say, relaxed dress codes when it comes to beach attire. And no matter how much to try to manage your expectations and remind yourself the people who go semi-nude are not going to be the cast of Baywatch from 1991, you can never seem to prepare yourself for the reality that it's more like The Golden Girls. Hard pass. 

But still, congrats on the big win, Nantucket. I'll be in Marshfield.