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Video: Johnny Depp Cracks Up in Court as His Bodyguard is Asked About Seeing His Penis as He Allegedly Tried to Pee in the Foyer

Source - The defamation trial involving Johnny Depp and Amber Heard took a hilarious turn when the Pirates of the Caribbean star's former bodyguard took the stand and was asked if he had ever seen the actor's penis. 

In a Zoom testimony, Malcolm Connolly was asked about whether or not it's true that Depp was urinating in the foyer of the couple's home in Australia during an argument in 2015. 

Connolly reduced the courtroom to hysterics when he said, 'I think I would remember if I'd seen Mr. Depp's penis.'

The alleged urinating incident sparked a fight between the couple that led to Depp having the top of his finger severed. ...

Connolly was questioned about how Depp and Heard got along during the early part of their relationship. The Scottish security man described the pair as 'lovey-dovey' and Heard as 'lovely, charming.' ...

Though Connolly said that things began to change over time with Heard beginning to wear the pants in the relationship, as he put it.

So far the Celebrity Defamation Lawsuit Trial of the Century has almost had it all. Romance. Intrigue. Infidelity. Passion. Glamour. Poop in a bed. Sex. Violence. But like any intense drama, it needed a little moment of levity to break the tension. In that way Taratino will drop a bit of absurdity into an intense scene of torture or mass killings, just to relieve the pressure and give the audience a chance to breathe. That's what this was. 

I hate to say this about a bizarre, maladjusted, overly dramatic, unstable, narcissistic nutjob like Johnny Depp - especially one who's been in such a toxic relationship - but for that one, brief moment there, he was all men. All men in the sense that we're universally still 12 years old. And the mention of peeing in the foyer of a multimillion dollar mansion and an old guy possibly seeing his dong whipped out is never NOT going to be funny. Not even in an intense court proceeding. It wouldn't matter if you're involved in a civil suit, on trial for a capital crime, or in front of the Senate undergoing your Supreme Court nomination hearings. Talk about pee pees and wee wees is funny every time it's tried. If nothing else, at least him laughing like a school kid makes him the tiniest bit relatable.

And what really sells it is hearing it come out of this 70-something Scotsman. Maybe it's just how taken aback he is by the line of questioning that kills me. But it could just be the way he answers. The Scottish brogue is by far the funniest accent in the English speaking world. And hearing this distinguished gentleman from a serious profession like guarding bodies talk about Jack Sparrow's wang is too much for me, the way it's too much for Depp. 

The fact Amber Heard managed to stay stone-faced throughout just convinces me she's simply not wired right. I mean, look at the first shot of his video and tell me she's not a raving sociopath:

I can't stand either one of them. But if I'm appointed Judge Jerry and Executioner on a trial, I'm finding for the person who gets the giggles while serious people are talking about dicks, every, single time.