Lighten the Fuck Up! He Was Playing Golf When He Got Word His Sexy Wife Was in a Fender Bender...
A man was at the country club playing his weekly round of golf. He began with an eagle and followed it with a birdie on the second hole.
On the third hole, he scored his first-ever hole-in-one, and just as he began celebrating his cell phone rang…
It was a doctor in the local ER notifying him that his wife had just been in a car accident and was in the ICU…
The man told the doctor he was on the golf course and that he’d be there right away.
After he ended the call he realized that he was cutting short what was shaping up to be his best round of golf ever, so he decided to get in a couple more holes before heading to the hospital…
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He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, beating his previous best by more than 10, and shattering the club record by five strokes. He was ecstatic.
Suddenly, he remembered his poor wife was in the ER and so he threw his clubs in the trunk of his car and rushed to the hospital.
When he arrived at the hospital he identified himself and demanded to see his wife. Instead, a tall male doctor came out to the waiting area…
The doctor glared at him and began ranting, “You heartless bastard, you went ahead and finished your round of golf, didn’t you?”
Sheepishly, the man admitted that he had.
“Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself because while you were out for the past four hours having a grand ole time at the country club, your wife has been laboring in the ICU, fighting for her life…"
After pausing for a moment the doctor continued, “Well, I guess it’s just as well you went ahead and finished your round because more than likely it'll be the last one you’ll ever play…”
“Why?” the man asked, not exactly sure what the doctor meant…
“Because for the rest of your life your wife will require round-the-clock care. She won’t be able to eat, speak or even move. Furthermore, she won’t be able to control her bladder or bowel movements. So you sir, will be her sole caregiver for the next 30 years!”
The man was at once overwhelmed with grief, and he totally broke down and began sobbing uncontrollably…
The doctor looked at him sternly, then put his hand on the man's shoulder, and in a more casual tone he said, “Hey, chill out dude, I’m just messin' with ya. She died two hours ago. So what'd ya shoot?”
* Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968 (and riding motorcycles since 1972)