Lacing The Food At Your Wedding With Weed Is One Way To Make Things More Entertaining For Your Guests

Clem4/27/2022 5:40 PM

Giphy Images.

Blogger's Note: There is no, and I mean NO good pictures or gifs to use as a thumbnail for a story about people allegedly lacing their wedding food with weed. So I read my blogger's handbook and it said when this happens, throwing a picture of Rachel McAdams biting her lip in Wedding Crashers is a more than suitable choice. On to the story!

CNN- A Florida bride and her wedding caterer have been arrested and accused of lacing wedding food, including lasagna, with marijuana and causing several guests to become sick, according to their arrest warrant affidavits. Bride Danya Shea Svoboda, 42, and caterer Joycelyn Montrinice Bryant, 31, have been charged with culpable negligence, delivery of marijuana and violating Florida's Anti-Tampering Act, the affidavits say.
One affidavit alleges Svoboda "agreed to and allowed Joycelyn Montrinice Bryant to lace the food she served … with cannabis unbeknownst to the attendees, many of whom became very ill and required medical attention." When Seminole County deputies arrived at a community clubhouse in Longwood on February 19, several wedding guests were being treated by county fire rescue personnel for "symptoms consistent with that of someone who has used illegal drugs," according to both affidavits.
Deputies collected food and glassware from the wedding venue that had been used by guests, including a beer glass, lasagna and desserts, the affidavits say. The lasagna later tested positive for THC, according to the documents. Some guests reported feeling "stoned" and "ill and high," the affidavits say, while another said he felt "weird, tingly, fidgety, and had an extremely dry mouth" after eating food at the wedding.
Lab tests showed three wedding guests had urine tests that were positive for cannabis, according to the affidavits. One guest told investigators that after she realized she was high, she asked Svoboda if "she had put marijuana in the olive oil," the affidavits say. The guest told a deputy Svoboda answered "yes" and "acted excited," according to the documents.

Ahhhhhh Florida, a state that served as one of the bricks for the foundation for Barstool by pumping out blogworthy stories full of tomfoolery over the years. I feel like the rest of America has slowly caught up to Florida over the years. But seeing the Sunshine State getting back on the blog always makes me sentimental for the good ol' days at the Stool.

Now before I criticize Danya Svoboda and Jocelyn Bryant for ordering the Code Green on these wedding guests, let me just say that everyone wants their wedding to be a blast. There is nothing worse than going to a snoozer of a wedding with low energy, shitty food, and an empty reception hall before the last dance has even started. Obviously you want to look good and finding a partner that you will spend the rest of your life with til death does you part is important. But throwing a hell of a jam is paramount for any bride or groom with a soul and a healthy enough bank account to make it happen. This is the part of the blog where I include the Shout montage from Wedding Crashers because it ruled, even though it's the SFW version which clearly doesn't rule nearly as much.

Which is why I understand where these two were coming from. Sprinkling a little bit of something into your guests' food to ensure they let their hair down and become relaxed at an event where they may not know many people makes sense on paper.

HOWEVAH, the issue here is the poison these two ladies allegedly picked. You can't unsuspectingly be macrodosing people with weed without knowing what kind of high people they are. Sure there are people who are awesome when they are stoned and by doing it at your wedding, you severely cut down on the chance some dickhead is going to pull out an acoustic guitar. But you are running the risk of people getting super quiet which immediately kills the dance floor at your wedding to the point where not even Shout can get the juices flowing or even worse turn people into paranoid lunatics like this poor woman and her even poorer husband.

According to the affidavits, one woman who attended the wedding told an investigator that while she was at the hospital, she felt paranoid and "believed her husband … wasn't telling her the truth about other family members," and that her son-in-law had died and no one was telling her. She said she became loud and unruly in the emergency room and had to be given medication to calm down.

Usually the open bar can take care of all of these problems. But if you have a situation where Uncle Ralph and Aunt June have fucking hated each other since Christmas of 1997 for reasons nobody even remembers anymore and are both vicious drunks that must get an invite, you may have to resort to something else. Clearly weed didn't work because it pretty much turned this wedding into a McPoyle wedding.

My personal solution? Just give all the guests some 3Chi wedding favors chock full of Delta 8 that will give them the a great buzz without the anxiety or paranoia that comes with marijuana. You want vapes, gummies, edibles, or even drink mixes? 3Chi has them and if you go to 3Chi.com and use promo code STOOL5, you get 5% off and get a FREE Canna-Fan Flag Sticker! Was this all one big 3Chi ad disguised as a blog? Nope! It was a Podfathers plug disguised as a blog with a 3Chi ad kicker at the bottom (subscribe to the Barstool Grown Up YouTube today!)

Mama there goes that man. Click Burglar Clem…OUT!!!