Gillie & Wallo's Knockout Party | Replay Available Until 12/17BUY NOW

NFL Burnout Antonio Brown Performs Shitty Music To A Stoic Crowd Who Couldn't Care Less

Kevin C. Cox. Getty Images.

I mean we’re all thinking it, right? It can’t just be me.

Antonio Brown is a moron. We all know this. Even if you’re the most empathetic soul on the planet and want to give poor AB a 1,678th chance to prove he’s a decent dude…I don't know what to tell you about all that. But you can at least agree that his actions are just…perpetually baffling, no?

This fookin’ guy. Does he ever shut up, or take a hint? Listen to this GARBAGE music he was performing to a crowd at…some extremely modest venue:

NOBODY. IN THE AUDIENCE. CARES. Maybe a couple people are pity-bouncing to this beat? That's about as good as it gets.

I guess that’s what happens when you have this type of mindset:

Maybe good in some ways to make it all the way to the NFL, maybe not so pun-intended-self-serving in other areas of life.

And very apropos of what I’m writing, let’s take a look at some of the lyrics from the song he was blasting on stage to those poor spectators, titled "Business Boomin":

“I’m a great influence / I’m the people’s choice / I’m a great influence / Don’t listen to blogs / Blah-thay blah-thay (??????) / That’s a bad influence”

Hahahahahahaha. I about died when I heard those lyrics about “Don’t listen to blogs.” I almost didn’t write this. Precisely because of the chance it'd just feed the fire and give AB exposure. But I feel like if I go my entire time here without writing ONE sprawling post about Antonio Brown, I'm probably doing it wrong. I don't know if or when I'll get another chance. Better to get it out of my system early so y'all know where I stand.

Anyway, that "blog" line sent me over the edge — it was as if AB was almost egging me on to do it through his “art” to proclaim the absolute truth about him from my perspective. The culmination of numerous years following his freak-flag career. I felt absolutely compelled, with an unmistakable sense of purpose. Not unlike Howard Beale.

BUT SECONDLY, let's also touch on this — Antonio Brown: A Self-Proclaimed Great Influence. In which ways are you a positive influence, AB? Name even one!! And the people’s choice? Buddy, who is choosing you for anything? You’re so toxic and sky-high on your own supply that I wouldn’t want you on a fucking intramural kickball team, much less in an NFL locker room.

“Business Boomin” is also AB’s cute little catchphrase. The funny thing is, he’s completely sabotaged his personal brand and business to such a degree that zero NFL teams will sign him ever again unless they’re total nincompoops or morally bankrupt fools — which, well, Dan Snyder is still an active franchise owner, so we’ll see. 

Antonio Brown does not understand the gravity of all the opportunities he’s blown. Or maybe he does and refuses to acknowledge reality. He’s squandered MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of dollars in NFL contract money and off-field endorsement deals. If he just kept his head on straight and wasn’t the biggest airhead I’ve ever seen in professional sports, yeah, his business would be really booming, because he could’ve, perhaps, been the league's highest-earning receiver.

Tom Brady dragged this imbecilic ingrate to Tampa Bay and got him a Super Bowl ring. And how did AB repay the GOAT for that undeserved extension of his NFL career? By removing his pads and sprinting off the field in the middle of a critical regular-season game amid a spat with head coach Bruce Arians that literally made zero sense. It was a whole thing.

Did AB take the high road and keep it classy upon his abrupt exit from the Buccaneers? Of course not. Because in his view, AB can do no wrong:

I mean could you be more of a conceited idiot than this guy? I struggle to fathom how. Yet even in all his glorious stupidity, AB has Hall of Fame-worthy statistics, a Lombardi Trophy and excess millions of dollars to hang his hat on. Plenty of funds to keep producing bad music. So, uh…good for him I guess. At least I can go out of my way not to listen to those ear-splitting lyrics.

All this nonsense about how, “OH AB IS SO MISUNDERSTOOD” just SHHHH. He’s not misunderstood. He’s a complete and utter clown show who has no business being in the NFL.

AB may half-heartedly admit to wrongdoing NOW to save face and desperately try for one last opportunity to play football, but he isn’t sincere about it. We’ve seen this tired routine time and again. It’s gotten to the point where Floyd Mayweather — you know, another great influence — is out here advocating for Brown to be signed. The parameters? If AB acts up, Floyd has to pay the team $20 million, but if AB stays on good behavior, he makes $20 million:

Deeeeeeeeeluuuuuuuusionallllllllll much?