Northern Ireland Soccer Coach Has to Apologize for Saying 'Women are More Emotional Than Men.' Except No Apology Was Necessary to the Women Who Play for Him.

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This UK soccer coach, who gives off a lot less of that Ted Lasso energy than he does Billy Zane's butler in Titanic, is Kenny Shiels, the manager of Northern Ireland's women's team. They just got beaten by England in some tournament qualifier thingy. Or Quidditch World Cup or something. Forgive me; I don't not follow women's sports as much as I don't follow European soccer. Anyway, I do understand The Beautiful Game enough to know that the score Northern Ireland lost by, 5-0, means they got their right-side-drivers' doors blown off. And that one sequence in which they gave up three goals in nine minutes represents a total defensive breakdown. 

Shiels admitted as much. And he expanded on his answer in an attempt to further explain why:

“I’m sure you will have noticed if you go through the patterns – when a team concedes a goal, they concede a second one in a very, very short space of time, right through the whole spectrum of the women’s game, because girls and women are more emotional than men. So, they take a goal going in not very well. When we went 1-0 down we tried to slow it down to give them time to get that emotional imbalance out of their heads. That’s an issue we have. Not just in Northern Ireland but all of the countries in the world. I shouldn’t have told you that.”

And as he soon found out, the truest thing he said in that whole answer was the final sentence. Because the backlash was as swift and as sure as he probably knew it would be as soon as the words came out of his mouth:

I, as a non-soccer fan, will concede that what Shiels is describing might be not so much a women's issue as it is a European soccer issue. We've all seen enough players rolling around on the pitch doing the Sonny Corelone tollbooth death scene after getting bumped to think that maybe, just maybe, exaggerated over-emoting might be a feature of the game, not a bug. 

But the people who aren't clapping at this guy with righteous indignations and calls for his head over his Neanderthal thinking and blatant misogyny, just happen to be the ones whose opinions on his comment matters most:

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Source - Northern Ireland Women captain Marissa Callaghan has spoken up in support of manager Kenny Shiels after he caused controversy this week by saying “women are more emotional than men”. …

“In light of recent events, collectively we stand by our manager,” Callaghan wrote.

“We feel his interview was in relation to a meeting we had as a team where we analysed that we concede goals in quick succession and emotions was one of the many things we discussed.

“Since Kenny took over our national team three years ago, I have always complimented him publicly on how he can get the best out of his players individually and collectively. He is a man of integrity who cares for us like a family. …

“Kenny has transformed the game here in Northern Ireland because he understands how to get the best out of his players. We have qualified for a major tournament because he transformed our mindset,” the 36-year-old added. … "[W]e as players and staff will continue as a team to help grow the game and inspire the next generation of young players and fans.” 

Imagine that. A group of highly competitive adults, playing at a high level in their chosen profession and trying to grow the game they play, who can take criticism. Who can admit they lost their composure and don't mind being called out about it by their manager. Because, in fact, they called themselves out for it first. Grown up athletes who recognize full well that channeling your emotions is an essential part of competing in any sport. Who can take coaching. And who don't need journos and internet heroes riding to their defense. Go figure. 

As far Shiels stepping into the mine field that is gender politics in 2022, is he wrong? Not about his take that the specific reason that his players gave up three quick goals because they have lady parts, though his team isn't arguing the point and clearly love playing for the guy. But his broader point that “women are more emotional than men”? 

The goal posts on what's considered acceptable opinion move by the minute now. But are we expected to believe that the sexes experience exactly the same level of emotions? Or that men are somehow more emotional than women? Because I'm going to be unemotionally honest with you: That's going to be a tough sell. I say this as someone who cries a real tear every time Kurt Russell looks up at his wife and then breaks down in the tunnel under the stands at the end of "Miracle." But they don't dedicate entire cable networks to movies that make men sob the way they do for my sister. I've had more careers than anyone I know, and yet one thing they've all had in common is that in no place I've ever worked have I seen a male co-worker in tears. Not even on 9/11 or when Tom Brady left New England. But the Irish Rose has such a story about one of her work girlfriends at least once a week. 

More to the point, isn't being "more emotional" a strength? Isn't having a high Emotional IQ considered an essential part of good mental health? Haven't we been told forever that men who don't have that are "emotionally stunted" and therefore weak? Aren't emotions like love, friendship, loyalty, compassion and empathy the very social fabric that binds society together? And that's part of why we need more women in positions of power and leadership?  I mean, the other end of the emotional spectrum is where you'll find all your sociopaths and serial killers. The vast, vast majority of whom just happen to be men. Almost exclusively, in fact.

Never before in history has the concept of women generally having more feelings than men been considered controversial. Now it's considered to be, even when it's not meant as an insult, but merely a statement of fact. And coming from a man whose made a career out of working with female athletes and inspiring them to be their best. But I guess that's the way we're supposed to think now. Though I'd rather take the lead of the Northern Ireland Women's Team on this one. They obviously don't need anyone coming to their defense. Here's hoping they win the World Cup soon.