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This 'Professional Baby Namer' Who Is Making Up To TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS Per Kid Is Running The Biggest Hustle In The World

LILLIAN SUWANRUMPHA. Getty Images.

[Post] - Expectant parents are paying upward of $1,500 to a “professional baby namer” who picks the perfect moniker for their child.

Taylor A. Humphrey, 33, helped name more than 100 babies in 2020, raking in more than $150,000 from cashed-up couples.

Some panicked parents are even turning over an eye-popping $10,000 so that Humphrey can help them settle on an impeccable name for their offspring.

I should start this by saying I don't want to believe this. I want to think this is fake. But then I remembered the time we live in and how this is 100% a real thing. 

I want to hate this Taylor Humphrey, but I simply can't. This is the ultimate scam. She's convinced parents to pay her anywhere between $1,500 and TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS to name their kid. I don't know how she was able to do it, but that's the industry to be in. It's the greatest scam in the world. You just think of a name for someone that you don't have to take care of.

I can say this from experience. Naming a kid can be tough. Going through it right now with baby boy 2 on the way. We had one boy name. Coming up with two? Brutal. One person likes traditional names, one likes unique names, one likes Irish names, one likes Italian names, etc. Here's what I'll never do though. Pay someone to name my kid. Agree to a name after a few cocktails? Sure. That's in the cards. But pay someone? Absolutely not. 

Kids already cost so much money the last thing I need to do is shell out 1500 bones or so on a name. So how does she do it? 

The New York businesswoman — who does not have any children — bills herself as a “passionate writer and storyteller” who is “adept at branding, marketing and social media.”

Depending on how much expectant parents pay, Humphrey’s services “range from a phone call and a bespoke name list to a genealogical investigation” with the aim of unearthing old family names, as reported by The New Yorker.

Sure. But doing a genealogical investigation? Uh, I don't need a stranger looking into my family. Pretty simple reporting here. I call my mom and dad and ask what their grandparents names were. If grandparents are still alive ask them. Boom, investigation over with. Takes about 20 minutes. 

I'll tell you what. I'll be a professional baby namer right this second for half her price. You can pay me $750 bones and I'll name your kid. Rich? I'll only charge you 5k. There's clearly a market here for some side money and I'm officially in the business. 

Oh don't worry she has a story on how to name kids too! 

Recently, the innovative entrepreneur chose the baby name Parks for a couple who had their first kiss in a town called Parker.

They couldn't think of that? Shit Parker is a normal name these days. You couldn't come up with the solution here and needed to pay someone money to say name your kid Parks. Unreal. Like I said, my services are now open. Half price discount and I'll name your kid. 

I just hope she goes full Costanza